Nessie'sJourney
by Pantherfan
Summary: Nessie is starting to feel like a woman but they all still think of her as a child. She tricks B/E into letting her go to boarding school in Milan where she discovers a way to jump start her aging again. But is it worth it? N/OMC, N/J
1. Chapter 1

Stephanie Meyer owns all these characters.

First fan-fic attempt

Long time listener first time caller

Nessie's Journey

I'd like to say it was a gradual awakening… a slow evolving awareness. It wasn't. Nothing about my life had ever been slow. So, I shouldn't have been surprised when Jacob Black switched from being my best friend and protector to…to…to…all I could think about.

The timing was ridiculous, the irony fierce. Just the evening before, Papa Carlisle had finished his calculations on my never ending measurements and had concluded that the growth spurt had ceased. I had the body of a fourteen year old and would age normally for the next three to four years. And then I would stop… hold…discontinue growing. Whatever. I had a few years of normal and then I would freeze in time like all the other people I loved.

I had wanted this. Looked forward to this. Practically couldn't wait for this. And now I wanted to be seventeen tomorrow. I was suddenly stuck in this body. I'd never had to wait for anything, well not long anyway. Everything in my life usually moved so fast. And now I had to wait…for him.

It was Friday afternoon and I was sitting at the desk by the window up at the big house. Mom and Dad were probably at home, our lovely stone cottage in the woods. I'm home schooled of course. Can't be raising my hand in class and have teachers call on me.

"Yes Miss Cullen? Did you need to go to the bathroom?"

"No Ma'am. I need to go get bigger shoes."

No, my growth was not conducive to public school. So there I sat pretending to read Kafka, ew, but really just looking out the window daydreaming. My Jacob was out there washing the SUV. I watched him and fantasized about dashing out there and grabbing the hose and wondered how wet I could make him before he took it away from me for payback. And would it be worth it?

Then he turned. It was a rare sunny day and the light flashed off his bare chest and my breath caught in my throat. My eyes slid down his torso following every line of every muscle 'til they reached his jeans hanging low on his hip bones. I realized my hands were gripping the desk and my face felt very hot.

I looked down at the book and tried to control my breathing. Tried to control everything. I had to think. Unfortunately in my family that is one of the most dangerous things you can do. Where could I go? Where would I be safe?

As soon as I knew where I was going I had to act. There was never time for deliberation. I got up and called to Esme that I was going out for a little air. I headed for the backdoor but before I reached it I heard the phone ringing. I knew it would be Alice so I just took off through the woods as fast as I could go. I knew they were all faster but maybe I could get a head start.

I didn't hear anyone coming after me. Maybe Alice told them not to. Who knows? I never know what other people are thinking. That's Dad's deal. And the reason I have to go. I needed to be somewhere where no one could read me or steal images from my head. I hung out in the woods behind his house until he came home from work.

"Hey Grandpa" I walked out of the woods slowly and hoped I wasn't going to give him a heart attack.

"Well hey there Nessie. What are you doing in the woods? How did you get here?" He looked around for a car.

I just put my hands up and shrugged. He dropped it. He was never one to press for answers. I walked up to him, followed him into the house and waited for him to hang up his gun and various cop paraphernalia. I stood in the door way of the kitchen and watched him fix two glasses of ice water. He sat down and placed one across the table for me. Then he put on his cop face.

"You got something to say?" He motioned to the other seat with his glass.

I sat down and wrapped my fingers around the cool glass, not sure where to begin. "I ran away."

Being a cop might have given him a little experience in dealing with runaways or maybe Charlie was just Charlie. Anyway he didn't react in any way I could see. After a few moments he spoke.

"So is this your first stop? Hoping I'll give you some money or a ride somewhere?"

I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not so I just told the truth.

"No Sir. This is where I was running away to. Can I stay with you? For a while?"

"Who knows you're here?" He didn't answer my question but then again he didn't say no either.

"Nobody. And I don't want to see anybody. None of them."

His brows knit and his mouth formed a straight thin line.

"Ok Mom. I can see Mom. But nobody else." I moved the glass around and around on the table spreading the condensation droplets and making a big wet circle.

He spoke quietly. "Are you in some kind of trouble, Nessie?"

I looked him dead in the eye. "I haven't done anything wrong." But I wanted to.

"I'll call your mother and see if you can stay tonight." I started to speak but he continued. "And I'll tell her you don't want to see anybody."

I got up and ran to him throwing my arms around his neck. "Thank you Grandpa!"

xxxxxxxxx

I got ready for bed around ten. I wasn't really tired but there is only so much TV you can watch. I was glad he didn't want to talk. Grandpas are really great about just letting you be there and not have to do anything. I'd stayed over before so I had clothes in the drawers and closet. I really liked sleeping in Mom's old bed and wondering what she was like when she was human.

I turned the lights off so he would think I had gone to sleep. I sat cross-legged in the middle of my bed and stared out the window wondering how much time I had.

Grandpa had made his call telling everyone I was safe and since then the phone had not rang. If no one was calling to check on me then that meant someone was coming in that window tonight.

Please let it be Mom. Please let it be Mom. Please let it be Mom.

It was.


	2. Explanations

Explanations

Just a flash of movement outside my window and then Mom was sitting beside me on the bed. I looked down at my hands in my lap and wondered where to begin. Just how mad was she?

There was no breath, no movement, and no heartbeat. It was as if a statue had just been dropped out of the sky and placed on the bed beside me. Then the statue moved and I felt a cool hand on my shoulder and heard her beautiful clear voice.

"Sweetie, what's this all about?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slow. She wasn't mad. This might work. I still knew Dad would be the hard sell but it would help to have Mom on my side.

My mouth opened several times and I really tried to explain but there was too much. How do you tell your mom that you can't handle being anywhere near your Dad right now? I knew she was wishing right now that she was Dad and could just pick the thoughts out of my brain. Or that I would simply lay my hand upon her cheek like I'd done so many times before. But that might be just as bad.

"You can tell me anything. I don't know why you felt you had to run away. We've always been able to talk about everything. Our family is so close now. We have to be because of who we are. Please just talk to me." Her hand started rubbing my back in slow circles.

"First of all will you shield me? I don't know if Dad is out there but if he is I don't want him listening."

She just nodded and I knew I had to trust her.

"Mom, think back to when you lived here. What it was like when you went to school, after you met Dad. I want you to think about what you did, what you saw…said….thought." I turned to look at her. Her skin was luminescent, her eyes golden and worried. She was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

"All right honey, I remember. It was really only a few years ago." She smiled then and I wanted to reach up and smooth out her brow. I knew I was causing worry but what else could I do?

"Think about Dad. Remember what you thought about him when you missed him or when you were mad at him or sad or worried."

"Nessie, what are you getting at?" Her voice held a hint of impatience this time.

I looked into her eyes and spoke very clearly. "Now please imagine if Grandpa Charlie had been privy to all that information while it was happening." I watched as her eyes grew wide and she actually started to look like she was going to be sick.

I got up and started pacing. "My body is hitting puberty. My mind has gone way beyond that but there is nothing I can do about the hormones or mood swings or sudden new … thoughts. I understand I have to make sacrifices because of who I am and who you are. But I've always known that it was worth it for all the wonderful things in my life."

"But Mom, really, there is no other 14 year old girl in the entire world who has a father who can listen in on every thought. It's impossibly unfair and I won't live with him. I love him very much but until I can get this under control…" My voice broke then and I sat back on the bed. Leaning over I put my face in my hands and felt the hot tears on my cheeks.

This was the plan but saying it out loud, the finality of it, broke my heart.

It was back to statue watching again. No movement at all. I just waited her out. I wasn't ready to lay out my plans just yet.

"So you want to move in with Charlie? Is that your plan? You know I can shield you. It will hardly be any effort at all to shield you when you get upset."

"Mom you can't do that all the time. And what about when you aren't there?" She had to see that I couldn't stay here.

Unfortunately she laughed. Not a good sign. She wasn't seeing the seriousness of this. "Sweetheart I really don't think you'll be having hormonal tantrums every day. Now I don't want to make light of your dilemma but I really think that this is not the catastrophe that you were predicting."

I could feel my all my plans slipping away.

"Can you tell me what is different today than yesterday? You've been doing just fine so far. Your father's insight hasn't been a problem before now." Her voice got very low but I could still hear it. "What happened before you ran out of the house today? What are you scared your father is going to see now?"

I couldn't come up with anyway to explain with words. I sighed audibly and turned to her, placing my hand upon her cheek. A pictorial montage of Jacob began. At first they were old memories of care giving, protecting, playing, and teasing. Then they were more recent and slightly awkward… times when I had crawled into his lap or leapt into his arms only to have him give me that patient and reproachful look as he disentangled me or gently pushed me away. Finally I let her have today's memory of him washing the SUV and how he looked and what I wanted.

As I drew back my hand she made a quiet "Oh" sound.

She sat up very straight as if she was about to say something very important. "Nessie, you and Jacob can't… he's much older… there's no way that you're ready …"

I jumped back up and started pacing again. "I KNOW that! My body is fourteen but my mind is something else. In reality I'm only four year old. So there aren't any rules for this Mom. I know I am ready but you aren't and Dad isn't and Jacob sure as hell isn't ready for me to be thinking the things I'm thinking, wanting the things I want.

"So we're back to your plan. What do you suggest we do?" She leaned back and crossed her arms.

"I'm not ready to discuss that yet. I need to talk to Papa Carlisle" Carlisle Carlisle Carlisle Carlisle Carlisle Carlisle

I kept repeating the name and picturing him in my head because when I was speaking my father had appeared in the room. "Are you still shielding me, Mom?"

"She is." His deep beautiful voice sounded so sad it broke my heart. "I couldn't stand another moment not knowing what was going on." He glanced at Mom with a loving but accusing look.

Mom rose gracefully off the bed and went to him, wrapping her arms around him. She could never seem to be anywhere near him for more than a moment without touching him. "Edward, she asked me to shield and I didn't think she would talk to me without it."

I sat and looked down at my hands as she updated him on the situation. I wasn't mad. I knew they had to talk about it. As long as it came from her and not from my mind I was fine. She didn't betray anything about Jacob and I was thankful.

His body slid smoothly into a kneeling position by the bed and he laid his icy hands on mine. "Nessie, I have to listen to hear people's thoughts. I understand you need your privacy. I don't have to listen. It's not as bad as you are imagining."

"And when I come home and slam the door and run to my room to fall on my bed crying my eyes out…" He leaned back as if my words were attacking him. "What then, Dad? Are you saying you wouldn't take a peak? Just to find out what's wrong… just to help?"

He looked to the side and I could tell he was thinking about it and not wanting to lie to me.

He finally stood up. "Well she can't move in here. If that is your plan you can just forget it. We will work something out."

Mom went back to stand beside him. "I think she has a plan but she isn't ready to share it. She wants to talk it over with Carlisle first."

"Well he should be back tonight sometime. He'll come by to talk to you tomorrow. You aren't running away again, right? You are staying here?"

"Until I talk to him. Tomorrow night I should be back home. Mom? You'll shield me when I come back?"

"Of course, love."

I stood then and she and Dad wrapped their cold stone arms around me. For the first time it felt a little constricting, a little like a cage.

"Good night"

"See you tomorrow."

And they were gone.


	3. Jacob

3- Jacob's visit

I finally climbed into the bed and listened as Charlie climbed the stairs and went to bed. I wasn't tired and seemed I had so much to think about I might never figure it all out. My plan was a house of cards and one wrong move could topple it to the ground. It was a good thing Charlie was such a focused TV watcher. I had done some research and made some plans and discoveries on his computer in the living room. He came by once but I had a solitaire game set up to replace the screen.

"Just playin' a little cards Grandpa. I really don't like this show." He had changed the channel and I felt a little guilty about that. But the information I got was going to help me tomorrow when I spoke with Carlisle.

The tricky part was going to be talking to Papa Carlisle without giving him too much information that could be passed on to Dad before time. Gah! Everywhere I turned it was Dad and his stupid mind reading. I rolled over and punched the pillow.

"So, what did that pillow ever do to you?"

I jerked up with a gasp and found Jacob sitting leisurely in the window.

"Noooo. You have to go away Jacob." I hissed quietly. Charlie was upstairs now and might hear a visitor.

He made a face and climbed the rest of the way in. He didn't have the smooth glide of my parents. His grace was animal, powerful, and very much alive. He moved across the room and sat on the bed. "What's wrong with you? Everyone is freakin' out. 'What are we gonna do about Nessie?' You were fine at lunch and now it's the end of the world. What gives, ladybug?"

I drew my legs up and sat cross legged, leaning against the headboard, hugging my pillow in my lap. "I don't want to talk about it and you need to go." It was impossible to think with him so close, sitting on my bed in the dark. I wanted so much to reach out and touch him but it was all different now.

He just chuckled. The vibrations felt like a cat's purr to me. "You know you can't get rid of me that easy. In fact, you can't get rid of me ever." He smiled and moved higher on the bed, facing me now, cross legged too. He bumped his knees against mine trying to keep the mood light but I was seriously terrified and had no idea what to do about it.

He must have heard my heart speed up because he suddenly looked worried. "Hey Nessie, something is really wrong with you. Are you ok?" He reached out and took my hands from gripping the pillow and held them in his warm strong hands.

"What did you think, Jacob? Esme made me read Kafka instead of Austin so I ran away? I'm not prone to flights of fancy. This is serious." I thought about pulling my hands from his but I really didn't have the strength, and I don't mean physically.

"You ran away? That's why you're here?" Then he laughed in his 'you're such a silly girl' sort of way. "You sure didn't run very far."

I hated it when he laughed at me. I felt my jaw clinching and I couldn't seem to stop myself. "Well for your information Mr. Smarty I'm not done running but when I am I'll be half a world away so is that far enough away for you?" I gave my head a little impudent bobble and then I did jerk my hand back… to cover my mouth. God I can be so stupid!

I didn't know what to say. 'Forget I said that.' was really not going to work. I just stared at him and tried to figure out how to save my plan as it crumbled around me.

His face went through several emotions. First of course was shock… then anger like he was about to fuss at me and talk me out of it. Then he looked calm like he needed to be in control to talk me out of it. Finally he looked at peace like the little girl was making wild plans and the adults, including him, would have no trouble explaining the silliness of my plan and destroying it completely. I saw all this in seconds. Maybe Dad didn't have ALL the mind reading skills.

"Nessie…" he started.

"I'm not going to talk about this with you Jacob. I'm not running away. But I am leaving. When I do everyone will know where I am going. I won't steal away in the night. But I have to go and if you knew everything you would understand."

He took my hands again. This time he looked so sad. "You can't leave. You can't leave ME." Just seconds ago he was sure I wasn't leaving but just the idea of it was hurting him so badly.

"I wish there was some other way but there isn't." I whispered.

"Why? What reason could you possibly have? You are smart enough to know a 14 year old girl…" I held up my hand to interrupt but he kept on. "a girl that looks 14 can't just go off on her own. What's so bad here that you have to go?"

I could have lied or tried to slip around the question. But I had an idea that once things were set in motion we wouldn't have many moments like this where we could talk. I owed him the truth. "Partly it's Dad and partly it's…" I took a breath. "you."

His head dropped down landing on the pillow still in my lap. "I knew it. I knew you shouldn't have been told about the imprinting. It feels like an arranged marriage doesn't it? You feel all your choices have been taken from you. I knew this day would come. You want to go out and see if you can find someone for yourself." He lifted his head then to look in my eyes.

"But Nessie, you have lots of time. You don't need to be in such a big hurry. When we get to the point where our relationship changes, well, I won't hold you to anything. You will always have free will. You will get to choose if I'm the one you want." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Jacob you are the biggest idiot I have ever met." I just shook my head. "You are so far off its ridiculous."

"Then how am I the reason you have to go?" He moved then, picking me up and sitting in my spot against the headboard, then setting me down sideways in his lap. "Just the idea of you leaving is breaking my heart."

Could I have been wrong? Was it possible he was closer to seeing me as a woman than I though? I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and put my face close to his. Maybe I could explain.

"I think I have to leave because you aren't ready for me." When he started to interrupt I put my finger to his lips and held it there. "You see me as a child and so do Mom and Dad. But I can't think and feel like a child just because it makes all of you more comfortable. I have to be myself. And it's just too hard to do that here. You just don't see me."

I let my finger slide off his lips so he could speak. "Of course I see you, Nessie. I love you! You can be yourself here. You can be whatever you want. I won't stand in your way."

The words were more than I could hope for. I smiled so big I felt my lips would split my face. He smiled too and it was magnificent. I leaned forward suddenly and kissed him hard wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing him back against the headboard.

If he had kissed back… even a little… a moment of released passion before coming to his senses, I might have changed my mind. But there was nothing. Nothing. In a quick second he had removed my arms from his neck, lifted me up and put me on the bed. He stood beside the bed with that infuriating patient reproachful look of his.

He started shaking his head sadly. "Sweety, we …"

"Get out!" I was yelling now. I jumped up and started pushing him towards the window. "Get out get out getoutGETOUT!"

Charlie rushed into the room. "What the hell?"

He took one look at the situation and jumped to the wrong conclusion. "Is this why you ran away, Nessie?"

I looked up at Jacobs face and I hated him. "Yes!" Then I started pushing again and screaming for him to get out.

The look of pain on his face almost broke me into pieces. He leapt from the window and started to run. It was only moments before I heard him howling desolately. Fine. Serves him right.

Charlie locked the window and tucked me into bed. He didn't say anything but I knew Mom would be getting a call. I didn't care. Let them work it out. I had plans to make now and nothing was going to stop me.


	4. The Plan

Please R&R. I'm getting a little nervous.

4-The Plan

When Papa Carlisle came by the next morning things went better than I had hoped. As soon as he got here Grandpa found some reason to be off and left us alone to talk in the kitchen. I have always found Papa Carlisle to be the most practical and ready to listen to ideas and not judge.

I showed him the website and we downloaded the application forms. We even made a phone call that I really thought was a long shot he would even consider but all in all he was perfectly understanding and helpful. Oh, if only my parents would be the same.

He also agreed it would best if he didn't think too much about the plan until we assembled that afternoon to talk it out.

I left a thank you letter for Grandpa and we left mid afternoon and headed back to the big house. My fingers were crossed the whole way.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I sat at the big dining room table alone and waited for the others to come in. Carlisle had brought the big phone from the desk and placed it on the table. I guess he was planning to use the speaker phone. That part of this plan was the most scary and prone to backfire. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Soon the others arrived, gliding around in their vampire coolness. I didn't know if Mom was shielding me but I figured it didn't matter because all would be laid out soon enough.

I hoped they knew how appreciative I was that I was even allowed to call this meeting. I know most parents would just lay down the law and not really permit their children to make demands and plans about their life. But I was no ordinary child and they were not an ordinary family.

I began.

"Thank you all for coming to meet with me." My voice was not as strong as I had hoped it would be. I would have to do better to get them to take me seriously. No one was moving at all. It was like talking to pillars on a porch.

Before I could begin again I heard the front door open and Jacob rushed in. I gave him a glare but didn't say anything. Apparently someone thought he had a right to be here.

My heart began beating faster and I attributed it to nerves. I knew it could not possibly be the fact that his chest was heaving from running and his eyes were shiny, his hair windblown soft and his… enough! I blinked and looked away gritting my teeth together to maintain some control.

"As you know Papa Carlisle has determined that I have stopped growing so rapidly and should physically mature at a normal rate for the next few years. Now since before I was born I have grown quickly in all areas, physical, mental and emotional. The only part of my life that had no way to advance was experiences. I am very sheltered here. I couldn't go to school or even be seen in the town because of my growth. I think that those days are over and that even though I'm really a junior in college as far as Esme's curriculum shows…I could now attend school with others that look my age."

I waited as the others looked around at each other. I think they were expecting tantrums or ill conceived notions and I was glad to disappoint them.

Mom was the first to react. Her cool smooth voice floated across the table. "I think that sounds like a very good idea. We have always been distressed over our inability to give you normal human experiences. But I can tell by your face that there is more to this than attending Forks High School. We came to hear your plan." She crossed her legs and laid her hands upon the table.

"I would like to attend a boarding school for girls, far away from here. I need to try to be as normal as possible and there is no way I can do that living here."

Many voices started flying at me.

Jacob – "You are not moving away!"

Dad – "That is out of the question!"

Alice – "Where is this school?"

Jasper – "Now, everyone lets listen to what she has to say."

There may have been more but that was all I could make out. I waited until Jasper had them calm enough to continue.

"Dad, you say it is out of the question. I anticipated that would be your reaction. But just to make sure, why is it out of the question?" I took a deep breath and held it. This was the key. This was the point of no return that would make or break my infamous plan.

His voice was controlled, calm, loving, and resolute. "Because it is too dangerous. When you were very small we nearly had to fight a war to keep you alive. There are those who would destroy you and you must be protected. That is non-negotiable."

I bit my lip. This was going perfectly. "So the reasons I can't go to boarding school are – There are those people who want to hurt me and I must be protected from them and from any other miscellaneous threats that we might not even be aware of. Do I have the jist of it, Dad?" My hands were gripping my knees so tightly under the table I worried I might leave a mark… or shatter my knee caps. I tried smoothing my hands across my thighs and waiting him out.

"Yes. Absolutely, that is why you can not go. What?" He turned to Mom as she laid a hand on his arm.

"Easy Edward, you know how clever she is." Mom looked back at me with her worried trying to figure it out face.

I continued with a quick glance at Carlisle. He looked sad but resigned. He had told me if the conversation went in the direction I predicted then he would do his part.

"So as a family does everyone agree that my life experiences are greatly lacking and that leaving for boarding school would go a long way in correcting that but because there are those… lets just call a spade a spade here, there are vampires that wanted to kill me and might still want to and there may be other dangers that we haven't even thought of and I need protecting from both of these things…" I took a deep breath to continue. "And this is why I can't go to boarding school."

They all looked around at each other and then at Mom and Dad. Ultimately, it was their decision. No one seemed to find a way to refute my arguments because I seemed to be talking myself out of it. I seemed to be making their points for them. But really I was leading them right over my trap door of logic that I hoped would bring this all to a close.

When my chest started hurting I realized I had been holding my breath. I filled my lungs slowly as not to look as nervous as I felt and waited. Finally Mom and Dad stopped looking at each other and communicating with their eyes. Dad spoke.

"Yes."

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!

I calmly turned to Carlisle. You can make the call now, Papa." It looked like it hurt him to do so but maybe it was just my guilt for dragging him into the middle and making him my accomplice.

Everyone turned to Carlisle but Dad, he turned to Mom with a question on his face.

"He asked me to shield him for the meeting. I'm sorry. He thought Nessie should have a chance to convince us or not on her own merits without his opinions or thoughts."

He joined the others in staring at Carlisle as he hit the speaker button and we could all hear ringing that sounded odd and tinny.

Finally the ringing stopped but there was no sound. After about five seconds an ancient hollow voice spoke. "Good evening Carlisle, I've been expecting your call."

Dad looked furious, Mom looked terrified. I hoped I didn't look smug.

Carlisle answered, "Good evening, Aro."


	5. The Deal

5 - The Deal

For the first time in my brief life Alice looked at me with rage and hissed. I gulped. I knew they would be mad but looking around at all their faces I was not expecting this level of fury.

Aro began talking again and I wondered what he made of the silence. "So I suppose this call means that the little gattino has made her case. I've already started things on this end and there is a place for her at the Accademia di Lucci in Milan if she still wants to come."

Dad started growling at me through clenched teeth. "What have you done?"

Aro continued. "Be at ease, Edward. There was a time not long ago that you came to me for help. The Volturi are not the enemy. And if you will recall I did help you, just not the way you were asking me to. And are you not glad now that I refused your request?"

There was silence around the table and Mom wrapped her arms around Dad's shoulders and tried to calm him. Jacob looked lost but not furious at me. He came to stand behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Suddenly I didn't feel all alone.

Dad finally found his voice. "I'm sorry you were brought into this, Aro. It's a family matter and we will resolve it."

"Of course, I wouldn't dream of interfering. Just allow me a moment to tell you about what I discussed with your daughter this afternoon. I found her to be quite persistent, and irresistible. How you deny her anything I have no idea. She anticipated there might be some apprehension on your part about her safety. From the Volturi I can assure you that you have nothing to fear. We have no plans to harm her and I would stop any such plans as soon as they began. The world is much more interesting with her in it."

"That's good to know but I've never heard of this Academy …" Dad started.

"The Accademia di Lucci is an all girls school that has the extremely thorough security. The daughters of princes and Senators attend there. If you decide to allow her to attend I can give you my sincere promise that no harm will come to her. Not from our kind at any rate. I have a small guard stationed in Milan and it would be nothing to extend their patrol to the lands around the school. Just to be alerted if there are any strange scents coming near the school."

Dad turned to Mom with a lost look on his face. His firm reasons were crumbling to dust. He whispered so very softly I barely heard him. "This doesn't make any sense."

Aro continued again. "Edward, Carlisle, everyone. I know the idea that I would go so far to help with nothing in return would put you in a suspicious mind. Let me be very clear as to my ulterior motives. It is no secret that I wish Edward and Alice to join the Volturi. However, I am very patient. And I am certain that if any harm came to our little gattino that I would never be forgiven. So you see, I do have reasons to help but they in no way obligate you or her in any way. But I shall speak no further as to my motivations. The school has been contacted and a place held for her. I have assured you of my intentions to keep her from harm. The decision must now be with your family. Good evening to all." And he hung up without waiting for another word.

I leaned back and waited for the yelling to begin.

I felt my chair move back as Jacob pulled it away from the table. He came in front and knelt down placing his hands on my knees and holding my hands. "Please don't do this. You can't leave. I'll go crazy with you gone."

"I'll go crazy if I stay. You're not ready for me Jacob. I wish you were but I need to grow up now. And I can't do it here with you." I tore my eyes away from his that were starting to get moist and looked at my mom. I didn't want to hurt him or Dad but they had to understand the urgency of my decision. She nodded at me and I knew she was dropping the shield.

I looked back into his perfect eyes. I pulled my hand from his and laid it gently on his face. I didn't pass memories to him, not real ones anyway. I passed memories of fantasies. He tried to pull away but his back was against the table and I held fast to his other hand, keeping him with me. I heard Dads chair scrape as he rose up violently.

He leapt across the table and grabbed Jacob and slung him against the wall. Jacob came up growling with his hands out. "It never happened. Those are NOT memories!"

Luckily Emmett and Carlisle were holding Dad back. "It's true Dad. Those are just the thoughts in my head. He doesn't see me like that at all. Not yet. And until he does…I can't live here. It hurts too much. And I can't stand to be around you and know you see those thoughts. It's humiliating."

I moved in between him and Jacob. I gently placed my hand on his chest. "Please let me go. There's nothing here for me but pain. Let me grow up somewhere else so I can come back to you whole. I need this."

There was nothing more I could say. I had stated my case. I had provided evidence. It was up to them now.

Carlisle stepped up. He released his grip on Dad and put his hand on his shoulder. "Edward, I believe Aro if he says no harm will come to the girl. He isn't one to make empty promises. It would look very badly on them if he was unable to protect one young girl in a tightly patrolled all-girls school. And he will do nothing to prevent you or Alice's eventual joining of the Volturi. But most importantly, I believe Nessie's mental and emotional age is not consistent with her physical age. But until you and Jacob believe it, she is a prisoner in her own body."

Then, I couldn't believe it but Mom stepped up as well. She replaced Emmett at Dad's other side. "Edward my love, remember all you wanted me to have before I was turned. How you wanted me to have years of human experiences. Well she has years to be with us, to live this kind of life. This may be her only chance to be her own age. It will kill me if she goes, but I think it will kill her if she stays."

Dad pulled away from both of them. I think Jacob was the only one on Dad's side. The toss into the wall was forgotten. Jacob stepped toward him with pleading eyes. "Please… Don't…"

Dad ran his fingers through his hair gripping at his skull. "I can't …. I WON"T…." And then he tore from the room and leapt into the woods and kept on running.

This was something he would have to come to terms with on his own. There was nothing left to say.

Nobody ran after him.


	6. Milan

Ok hang on everybody I'm busting through a writer's block here so things might get messy.

- Accademia di Lucci

I tried to sleep on the plane but there was no use. I was just too excited. I should have been exhausted.

The last week had been a maelstrom of tears, lectures, shopping, promises, hugs and warnings. But finally everything was said and everything was packed and now I was on my first plane trip ever. A private plane no less – not bad for a first timer.

We arrived in Milan close to midnight. The weather forecast was sunny for tomorrow so it looked like I would be taking a limo and checking myself into school. We had hoped for overcast but it really didn't matter much to me at this point. I was ready for anything.

We checked into a hotel and as soon as we got to our adjoining rooms the phone was ringing. Mom and I looked at each other with question faces as Dad went to answer it.

"Si?"

Dad didn't say anything for a while. He just listened and looked annoyed. Finally he said "Fine." and hung up.

"That was Aro. There are four guards on your patrol. They work two at a time for a week at a time. I'm going downstairs to meet them. You don't need to meet them. If all goes well you will never see them. They are just supposed to keep a watch around the campus for any unfamiliar scents."

"Why can't I meet them?" Bodyguards? For me? How cool was that?

"I'll be back soon." Then he kissed Mom like she might forget him in the next ten minutes or something and left.

Mom put her arm around me and guided me to the couch. "You must be very excited about tomorrow." She said watching me closely.

"Oh yeah." I smiled.

"And a little scared?"

"Scared? No. Why would I be scared?" I lied.

"When I came to live in Forks, I was scared. Everything was new. You have to figure out where you fit in, what the rules are, how to act so you don't look like a complete idiot and have everyone point and laugh."

I started laughing. "Well I wasn't scared before but when you put it that way….."

We both ended up laughing and hugging.

"Well here is my last bit of advice. It has served me well. Be true to who you are. Don't pretend to like things you don't or be someone you aren't. Some people won't like you but eventually you will find the ones that do. And they will be better friends than the ones who liked you for all the stuff you were pretending."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. Who was I? I had never had any friends except for Jacob. Everyone else was family. They loved me no matter what. Mom seemed like she was waiting for me to say something but I was saved by Dad coming back in through the door.

He was smiling.

Mom got up and went to him and he kissed her again. Jeez once they got home and I wasn't in the house anymore they would probably have a second honeymoon or something.

Mom was smiling now too. "What's the joke, Edward?"

He actually started laughing. He looked at me and just shook his head. "Your guards. They are terrified of you. It's hilarious."

"What? Why are they afraid of me?"

"They are expecting a typical teenage girl. Their minds are full of worries about you sneaking out and getting in all kinds of trouble. I think that Aro has threatened them with unmentionable horrors if they let anything happen to you."

I grinned. "Well maybe I will have to do some sneaking out and keep them on their toes."

"NO!" They both shouted at me at once.

"Ok Ok! I was just kidding anyway."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Before I crawled into bed, I turned on my laptop. There were three messages already from Jacob.

Jacobite: Miss you already.

Jacobite: Say the word and I'll be on a plane.

Jacobite: Please stay safe I'm already going a little nuts.

My face started to hurt and I realized I was smiling and probably had been for the last few minutes as I stared at the three messages.

Luvs2Run: I miss you too and I have to get into a little bit of trouble or what's the point in me even coming here? Try not to worry, Dad says the bodyguards are petrified that I'll stub my toe and they'll be dismembered or something. It's really pretty funny. I didn't get to meet them though, Dad wouldn't let me. I'm checking in tomorrow and I'll send you a message when I get settled in my room. Don't forget me while I'm gone and don't go imprinting on anyone else.

I laughed out loud just thinking of his reaction to that.

"Go to bed!" Mom called from the other room. Easy for her to say. She never had to go to bed.

But I knew she was right. The sooner I slept the sooner tomorrow would come. I reached back and switched off the little lamp by the bed. I saw a tiny flash of movement outside the window.

Quickly I turned the light back on and dashed to the window. It just looked like a mirror. Gah!

I turned it back off and went back to it. Dad came in wondering what was wrong and together we looked but never saw anything. He figured it was one of my bodyguards but that didn't make me feel any better. I don't want them watching me through windows. Creepy. But then again, I hoped he was right.

Because if it wasn't one of them….?


	7. Finally

7 – Finally!

Limos are cool. Don't let anyone tell you different.

That morning was harsh. Hugs and kisses and tears. But now I was on my way and that night they would be heading back to the states.

I was really, really doing this. I would no longer be surrounded by people that were faster and prettier than me. No one here would be able to read my mind. It was hard to imagine.

The campus looked very new and high tech. It would have been cool if it was a renovated castle or something but… I guess that's more for fantasies. I read on the website it even had a helicopter landing pad on the roof. I guess some people are so big and powerful that cars are just too slow.

We, the limo driver and I, were finally admitted into the gates. I felt like there should have been a red carpet or something waiting for me when I got out. There was a crowd of men in uniforms that seemed to be assigned in pairs to each car as it went up. Ahhh. I watched as they started unloading. Cool! I didn't want to schlep all this stuff up to my room anyway.

Registration went off without a hitch. I'd already bought my uniforms so there was no need to see the valet. Finally I got to the room assignment table.

"Ahhh Renesmee C. Cullen. You've put us into a bit of a bind young lady, with your late registration."

I didn't know what she wanted me to say to that so when in doubt…play dumb.

"Oh really?"

"Yes. All the freshman rooms have been assigned weeks ago. We had to put you on the junior floor." She looked like she was worried I would throw a fit or something.

"I'm sure that will be fine." Actually that sounded sort of cool. I was sure the freshman would be very giggly anyway.

She looked doubtful but handed me a card with a room number on it and a key.

I went back out to the limo but it was gone. I guess the loaders already knew where my room was.

For a moment I felt a little panicked. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know where my room was. I didn't know where my stuff was. I started breathing very fast.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and almost jumped out of my skin.

"Signorina?" One of the porters was looking at me kindly.

"Si?" I tried to breathe normally so he wouldn't call a medic or nurse or something.

"You speak English, yes?" He smiled and I smiled back starting to gain control of myself.

"Yes."

"Your things, we take to your room. You know where is?"

"I have no idea."

He smiled again and held out his hand. I wondered if he wanted me to shake or to give him my hand to lead me then I remembered the card and I handed it to him.

He read it and directed me to the tallest building on campus. I guess that was the dormitory. Now that I wasn't freaking out I could see that was where all the other girls were heading. Duh!

Ok girl, get a grip. No one is taking care of you now. You've got to start figuring things out for yourself.

I followed the other girls and quickly found my room…uh suite. My key opened a door to a common room that had two bathrooms and four bedrooms. There were two beds to a room. I looked back at my card. 405-C.

I could hear girls unpacking and chatting in the other rooms. The common room was empty so I went into room C. My stuff was in there but no roommate. There were open suitcases and such so I knew she must be here somewhere. I started to unpack.

Voices in the common room could be heard coming closer. "You've got to see this dress! I'm telling you its……….." Silence.

I turned around to see three girls staring at me.

The tallest and prettiest one was looking very cross. "Who are you and what are you? Like twelve?"

I had never had people looking at me like that before. I felt like a spotlight was on my face and there were horns growing out of my skull.

"I'm Carlie Cullen. And what are you? Like rude?"

I thought the pretty girl's eyes were going to bug right out of her head. Then, she wouldn't be so pretty. She would still have those enormous boobs though. Where did she get off having boobs like that? She couldn't be more than 16.

The other girls snickered and she didn't like that one bit. One said. "Great! Just what we need, another smartass."

The third girl smiled then and said, " Hey Carlie Cullen. I'm Brigitte your roommate." Then she turned to prettygirl. "Come on Millicent. Look at this dress."

The three went to the closet and I continued unpacking. But Millicent kept shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

Well, I wanted new experiences. I guess dealing with bitches is one of those things girls have to learn sometime.

Suddenly, I heard screaming in the other room. My heart started to pound and I was frozen. Were we under attack?

The screams turned to giggles and squeals and girls shouting "Simone, Simone!"

Then, the three by the closet all screamed "Simone!" and ran out of the room. Maybe we had a movie star roommate or something. I thought I watched as much TV as the next person but I didn't know any Simone.

They sure were happy she would be rooming with us. I decided to satisfy my curiosity of the most popular girl in school. So, I peeked out the door.

It was easy to tell which one was Simone. She was very tall and very black and all the girls surrounded her vying for her attention. She looked like an African princess.

She looked nice enough to me, she was smiling at everyone. Then she saw me. And she roared. "Stop! No one move!" Then she pointed at me.

Her voice was rich and deep and her vowels sounded like they could roll across the floor and stub you in the toe.

Everyone got quiet and turned to look at me. She left the circle of girls and walked straight towards me, pointing into my room now. I was still standing in the doorway so I just backed up into the room. She followed me in and closed the door.

Her lips came straight out when she spoke and her brows were clenched in a knot. "You do not belong here."

She was looking at me so oddly that I couldn't tell if she was angry or frightened. My first day was not going so well.

"Look, I know I'm a little young but there weren't anymore rooms on the freshm.."

"Stop." She threw her hand up at me in the universal sigh for stop.

"You do not belong here, half-breed."


	8. Yikes!

8 – Yikes!

I felt my heart starting to pound rapidly "What did you call me?" This could not be happening!

"You have to leave. I know just how dangerous you are." She took a step forward looming over me.

There was no way she was going to ruin this for me. I didn't care that I was a full foot shorter than her. I poked my finger at her chest. "And I know just how fragile you are so why don't we just back it down a notch, princess." I stuck my chin out and tried to look tough.

She stumbled back in fear.

Dang it! I'd overshot. I was just trying to not be so intimidated by her. I didn't mean to scare her half to death.

I took a deep breath and tried to diffuse the situation. "Listen, I just want to go to school. I don't know what you think you know about me but maybe we could just stay away from each other and everything will be ok. Ok?"

"Yes, Fine." She turned quickly towards the door. I got a vision of her running out and telling all the girls… what she would say I don't know but it couldn't be good.

"And Simone…" I tried to sound threatening…but not too threatening.

"Yes?" She didn't turn around. Her hand was on the knob.

"We'll just keep this little chat between us, yes?"

She didn't answer but she nodded and flew out of the room. I guess that was as good as I was going to get.

I finished unpacking and setting up my computer. There were no more squeals from the common room. And no angry mob with torches and pitchforks either. I had never thought of myself as a buzzkill but whatever. I was just about to check my email when I heard strange bells ringing. Brigitte walked into the room.

"Those are the bells for dinner. Noon sharp, supper's at six. If you don't get there before the bells stop ringing you don't get to eat." She said in a soft voice.

I smiled, thanked her, and closed my laptop. I couldn't stay holed up in the room forever. Time to meet more classmates. I decided if anyone one else recognized something different about me I would just forget this whole thing. But it would really piss me off.

I walked behind the girls of 405 but not really with them. When we got to the dining hall they all sat together and spread out so there was no more room.

When I passed by their table Millicent gave me ugly looks but Simone ignored me completely. That was fine. I sat with a bunch of giggly freshman that thought it was super cool that I was rooming with juniors. And I thought it was super cool that SOMEONE thought I was super cool.

After lunch I followed the other freshman to the book depository to get all the books I needed for my classes. I didn't really have anything in common with them so it was easier to just let them talk and soak up the lingo.

When I finally made it back to the room something was different. The common room was empty but I could hear the girls all talking in room A. I went to my room and I had the odd feeling that someone had been through my stuff.

Good thing there wasn't anything incriminating to find. Nosy porkers.

I turned my laptop back on and there was one message from Jacob. I debated opening it for a minute and decided to make myself wait. First things first, I got out my cell phone from my purse.

"Hi Mom!" I said when she picked up.

"Edward, it's Nessie! How are you sweetie? Everything go all right? I'm so sorry we couldn't come with you."

"It's ok Mom. I didn't see many parents today anyway. I got checked in and got my books and even found the dining hall. It's all good."

I heard whispering. "Your dad says something's wrong. What aren't you telling us Renesmee?"

I tried to concentrate on Millicent and not Simone. I pictured her evil glares.

"Oh, just some of the upperclassmen think they're hot stuff. It's ok. It's probably the same stuff that goes on in every high school. Just harder here because we have to live together and, you know, no boys to distract us." I tried to laugh it off.

It worked because they seemed to take my answer at face value. If they knew about Simone they would probably come get me right away.

"Oh and Mom, If you can't get me on my cell, there is a phone in our common room." I gave her the number and took a deep breath. I hoped they would understand.

"And if you call, don't ask for Nessie."

"What do you mean? Are you going by Renesmee there?"

"No, I'm going by Carlie. I just wanted a change."

And Renesmee is a mouthful and Nessie is a monster in Scotland. Don't I have enough troubles? But I kept that part to myself.

A few moments of silence.

"Well, that's fine honey. I'll try to remember. And I'll tell the others if they call. Have you spoken to anyone else?"

"I got an email from Jacob but I haven't opened it yet. It's next on my list."

"And you haven't changed your mind? You can still come home with us tonight." She sounded so hopeful.

"No Mom, I haven't changed my mind. Classes start tomorrow. I'm all unpacked. I'm really doing this."

There was more love yous and be carefuls and study hards and then finally goodbye. Wow, that was the hardest one of all. This time it just seemed more real.

I closed the phone and just sat there on my bed looking at it.

Brigitte was standing in the doorway. "So, who's Jacob?"

I looked up and she was smiling. She came in and closed the door.

I didn't answer her question. Who is my Jacob? My boyfriend? Not really. And sort of more. Very hard to explain.

"Want to see his picture?" That much I could do. She said, "Sure!" So, I opened up my laptop and started the Power Point I had made of pictures of him and of him and me.

She whistled and exclaimed, "Oh my, that's a pretty pretty man!"

I just sighed and agreed with her and we just smiled like silly women and watched the pictures go by.

She finally went over to her side of the room and I opened up his message.

Jacobite: Imprint on someone else! Are you crazy? Don't even talk like that. You just take care of yourself and try to be happy. Have some fun and try to get all the experiences you can because I don't think you will be able to stay more than one semester. I miss you so much. I just need to see you and hear your voice. It's like I'm starving and nothing will fill me up. Nothing will make me whole until you come back to me. holding you

I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. It felt like a hole inside me too. Didn't he know I missed him just as much?

But if I was home it would be the same as always. He would treat me like a brother and I would want to rip his clothes off. Frustration and rejection again and again.

One day, he would see me as a woman. One day, I would knock his socks off! And everything else he's wearing.

Brigitte came to sit by me. She put her arm around my shoulders. That was nice. I guess I lucked out on the roommates. I could have gotten Millicent. I left the message up if she wanted to read it.

She pointed at the screen. "That is from the guy in the pics?"

I nodded.

"He's sort of older than you isn't he?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm here and he is a million miles away." For once, I could tell the truth.


	9. Midnight Visitor

9 – Midnight visitor

It's a good thing I don't require much sleep. The girls finally moved back to the common room and the Hall Mom had to knock on the door three times and tell them to 'go to bed' and 'hold it down' and other such directions that they ignored.

I hung out with them for a while and they weren't openly hostile. There was hope yet. But I wasn't one of the 'girls'.

Also, I think single beds must have originally been some sort of torture device. Who can sleep on a single bed? It's inhumane!! So I tossed and turned for a while and tried not to slam into the wall or fall off. This room needed a window.

Sometime after midnight, I wandered out to the common room and opened the window. It was dark and quiet. Finally, everyone was asleep. I sat in the window and breathed in the night. My world used to be the forests of Washington. I felt extremely cooped up here. Not likely I would find deer roaming the streets of Milan. So, it was no use even trying to go hunting.

I was working myself into a pretty good depression. Why had I even come here? Nobody wanted me here and everyone that loved me was far, far away. I climbed farther out the window and let my feet dangle down like I was sitting on a dock. I looked down. I could jump down four stories… but I might not be able to jump back up this high.

I leaned farther out and checked out the brickwork on the side of the building. Interesting. The brick mason had imbedded a texture. Every fourth brick jutted out about an inch. This just might work.

I got my feet under me and reached out grabbing a brick. Ah, plenty of grab space. Quick as a thought, I was scaling the wall up to the roof.

Yes! This was more like it. The roof sloped at about a 30 degree angle so I just found a good spot and had myself a sitdown. It was beautiful. I could see the lights of Milan, the dark countryside, the entire campus. This had just become my most favorite place. Maybe I could make it work here.

I don't know why I was letting myself get all melancholy. First day jitters, pfft. I was better than that. I took a deep breath and leaned back on my elbows and moonbathed.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a movement. It was way across campus and I had to strain my eyes to see. Someone was walking across the top of the dining hall, and walking rather briskly. It looked like he was going to walk right off the edge but he just jumped to the next building. Oh my.

Ok. Obviously that is not a human. Where are my guards? Wait. If it was someone coming to attack me why am I seeing him from so far away? Wouldn't he have snuck up on me?

Another building jump, now just two buildings between us. There was no way I could scale back down the wall and make it back inside before he got to me. I watched him and someone I could feel that he knew I was watching, yet he still didn't speed up.

Another jump, he would be here in seconds. My heart hammered uncontrollably and I tried not to hold my breath. Could I jump down from a six story building if I needed to run? Maybe.

I stayed sitting and tried not to look terrified. He walked straight to me. He looked to be only about 5'8" and slightly stocky, not fat - just solid. He was wearing all black. His hair was black and slicked back. Eyes were big and dark, roman nose and full lips. He looked like Italy personified.

When he reached me he stood with fists on his hips, glaring down at me. "Don't fall off the roof." Oh my god, his voice! It took me a second to understand what he'd said. His accent was very thick and his voice was so low it thrummed across my spine like I was standing too close to a speaker playing heavy metal music.

"Wasn't planning on it." I smiled up at him. "Oh hey! What's your name? You're one of my bodyguards, ri…?"

Before I blinked he was in front of me, face in my face, fists pressed into the roof on either side of me, scowling. "I am a member of the Volturi Guard. I am not your bodyguard."

I must have been crazy because I wasn't scared at all now. I should have been. He could obviously snap me like a twig and he was looking quite ornery at the moment. But all I could think of was his breath was delicious. I hoped he would say something else.

If possible his thick eyebrows dropped even lower. I saw his nostrils flare as if he was smelling me. "You are not afraid."

It wasn't a question but I answered him anyway. "Nope." He stood back up then and I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings. He was certainly menacing enough but my dad had already read his thoughts. I know, I know not fair and I hate it when it's me but it does come in handy now and then.

I tried to explain so he wouldn't get madder. "As long as Aro has his eye on me, I guess I'm pretty safe from you guys. And it's unlikely you would hurt me if you were worried I would fall off the roof two seconds ago."

He gave a little hmmf sound that could mean anything. He shuffled his feet a moment and then looked out into the night.

"You don't have to stand over me, you could sit, or go do your patrol stuff. I'm fine."

"Are you planning to hunt while you are here? If you need blood, something will have to be arranged. We're not going to allow you to wander around our city looking for food."

I thought about that for a minute. But the longer it was in my head the more macabre it became. "Ok, first of all I think your idea of hunting and mine are way different. Secondly, I'm fine with human food, I don't need blood to live. Thirdly, I don't know what arrangements you were thinking about but don't be bringing people here for me to…you know, because that's just gross. And lastly would you please sit down you are giving me a crick in the neck."

He sat but he was not happy about it. "Aro claimed that you were irresistible. I find you quite impudent and I think people just do what you say because you are so annoying."

He took a deep breath. I guessed I was in for a speech. "First of all, I know what your idea of hunting is but there are no large game around here and if you let your thirst get out of control you might change your ways. Secondly, whether or not human food can sustain you I know that you must in some way crave blood. And you are surrounded by young healthy fragile humans. Thirdly, I had no intention of dragging helpless victims here for you to drain. It was a ludicrous idea and reinforced my impression of your immaturity."

I bristled a little bit at that but kept listening.

"And lastly…" He didn't finish that thought but simply reached into his jacket and pulled out a flask. He offered it to me and was watching for my reaction.

I knew what had to be in that flask. "So, what? You have bodies on tap somewhere?" I don't know where this smart mouth was coming from but I was having trouble keeping a lid on it. He was putting me on edge with his condescending tone.

Just when I thought he couldn't look more haughty he pulled the flask back and opened it. Then, offered it to me again.

I was about to come back with some other smart ass comment when the scent hit me. Oh sweet lord that smelled good… and familiar. I knew what it was. I'd started out on human blood but hadn't had any in years. As soon as I could hunt I hadn't had another drop.

Sure, I could smell the blood inside people but it wasn't a very strong scent. Not like this. Not drifting up from the flask like a genie in a bottle and swaying gently around my head and making me dizzy. He moved it a little closer.

I realized he had been talking. "I …the um… what?" I stammered.

"I said, Aro purchased a blood bank soon after our return from America. Humans run it and process all blood donations. Blood has to be checked, typed and other such tests and a decent percentage is unusable. We own the company so we dispose of it. No one died for this, and it wasn't stolen." He moved it a little closer to me.

For a second I swear he was Eve in the garden offering me the apple. I took the flask from him and brought it to my lips. From the first sip I felt like I was expanding. Somewhere inside of me were dried up cells that filled now to brimming. Never had anything tasted so sweet and pure and wonderful. I think I may have moaned when the last drop was sucked from the flask.

My eyes flew open in shock. "Oh, sorry." I passed it back to him and looked around. Suddenly everything was clearer. I could see, smell, hear, taste, everything more. I had better senses than humans so I thought I was at full potential but now I could really see, I'd been living in a fog.

He stood then and looked down at me. No expression on his face at all now. "It's three hours until sunrise. Get some sleep if you need it. I'll be back tomorrow night. Don't get caught. And don't fall." Then he was gone.

How could he just go? My world had just been turned upside down and I was all alone.


	10. Changes

10 – Ch ch ch changes

I woke up the next morning with a gasp. The light was on and the radio was playing and I was alone. I looked at the clock and it showed 7:45. What?

Beside the clock was a note. I snatched it up as I tried to untangle myself from the sheets.

Carlie – I tried to wake you. We all did. You were out. You missed bfast. Class starts at 8. hope you make it. Brig

I felt sort of groggy but I jumped up, put on my uniform, grabbed my books, and dashed down the steps. No time to wait for the elevator. There were only three buildings that had classes. One was the gym and one was the music and art building. So finding my science class wasn't too hard. I busted in the door right at 7:59 and everyone turned to look at me.

That was pretty much par for the rest of the day. Always running behind and feeling like I was missing something. What was wrong with me? I felt like I was wearing someone else's body. It couldn't be a blood hangover. Or regular vampires would by flopping all over the place and not so cool and graceful.

I wrote to Jacob after supper. I tried to make light of my mishaps during the day like it was normal first day stuff. It felt good to talk to someone about it even though it was one-sided and that I didn't share what had gone on the night before. It felt very strange keeping something from him. Like that was so not the way it was supposed to be. But oh well. He would just tell me not to go up there again … too dangerous.

It didn't matter. I knew I had to do better tomorrow. No midnight trips to the roof tonight. I would get a good nights sleep and set the alarm for 6 am and show everyone that I wasn't some freakjob.

Yeah that plan was great in theory… just lacked something in execution. I didn't think the other girls would ever get to sleep. I waited exactly one hour after the last word was spoken before tiptoeing out to the window. I had just started to lift it when I heard the low voice from the chair in the corner.

"Going somewhere?" Simone asked.

"I thought you were in bed." Damn it!

"That's not an answer. I know you left last night. I almost locked the window so you couldn't come back in."

"Don't do that. I'm not doing anything wrong." I whispered and went to sit on the arm of the couch facing her chair.

"And 'ow do I know that? You were gone a long time and no one could wake you this morning."

"I was on the roof the whole time. I swear it. I just needed to get out of here. I was suffocating."

"You don't look like you are suffocating now. You look thirsty." She stood up quickly. "This is ridiculous!" She hissed. "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe. If you don't leave I will have to have someone come to remove you." She crossed her arms and leaned back.

So, I stood up and crossed my arms. I still had to look up at her so it lost a little power. "Don't threaten me, Simone. I have as much right to be here as you do. And if you don't think I have people watching my back then you as stupid as you are … as you are …. Tall."

She turned on her heel and headed back to her room. I looked at the window. It pulled to me. Something pulled me towards it. I really wanted to go out there and that scared me. Not just the irrationality of it but also the threat that Simone would lock the window behind me.

Instead I went to my room and turned on my laptop. I set the Power Point of Jacob on repeat and placed it beside my pillow. I watched him until I couldn't hold my eyes open.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Day two went much smoother. I got up with the alarm, made it to all my classes on time, impressed the music teacher with my mad piano playing skills, and made two friends. Ming and Sophie were in my Geometry class and we seemed to hit it off pretty well.

I still felt like an outsider but maybe time was all I needed to get over that. Maybe all the other freshman were feeling the same way.

I was starting to feel positively normal. Until…midnight. The rooms were quiet. All was so peaceful and I just lay in the bed feeling wired. I felt that pull again. Ok, what is the worst that could happen?

I tiptoed out to the common room. I checked all the chairs, no Simone. I quietly opened the window and climbed out. I scaled the wall and popped my head up over the edge of the roof. There he sat. Waiting.

I clambered over the edge very ungracefully and sat down beside him. "Sorry about last night. I couldn't get out."

"I don't care. It wasn't a date." He reached into his jacket, pulled out his flask and offered it to me.

"What no foreplay?" I teased.

He started to pull his hand back but I snatched the flask from his hand. That was a little humiliating. "Don't be so touchy." I held the flask in my hands, in my lap but didn't open it.

"Something wrong?"

"You tell me. I felt weird yesterday. I couldn't wake up and I was clumsy and ditzy all day. What do you know about that?" I turned the flask over and over in my hands feeling the blood moving inside and wanting to open it and afraid to.

"Well are you normally clumsy and …deetzee?" His eyes crinkled up a little when he smiled and they were really quite lovely. His face was in shadow before but tonight the moon shone on it. His eyes were dark burgundy and so very big you could get lost in them.

"Miss Cullen?"

"Oh, no. I'm not clumsy or ditzy. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep. That was probably it. And call me Carlie." I looked away. I had no business getting lost in anyone's eyes.

"Darius." He held out his hand to me and I shook it. It was cold and hard like I knew it would be.

"Are you going to open that?" He gestured to the flask.

"Yes. Probably. I'm sorry I drank it all before. I didn't mean to." Would I have more control tonight or would I guzzle the whole thing down? Last time it felt about half full. Now it was full. How long do you have to drink before you stop losing your mind at the deliciousness of it and get control?

"Worry not. I have my own." He pulled out another flask. "That one is all for you."

He looked out over the campus like he didn't care if I drank or not. Maybe he didn't. Was I just being paranoid? Or was he just playing it cool. Oh my god, I was paranoid. Then, he twisted the top off his flask.

The smell took a second to get to me. He didn't drink right away, just kept looking straight ahead like he had all the time in the world. I could smell it, rich and thick. Then he lifted the flask to his full lips, tilted his head back, and drank. I could see his Adam's apple bob up and down with each gulp. A drop slipped out and waited on his bottom lip. I believe watching him drink that blood was the most arousing thing I had ever seen.

He turned to me and smiled. The drop was still on his lip. I know I was staring but I could not drag my eyes from it glistening there red and shiny. A pink tongue slipped out and got the drop and a shiver ran through my entire body. What was happening to me?

He spoke but I could not hear the words. I just saw his lips move. _Just drink. _

So I did.

Please review : ) Not looking for gushing praise.

I actually would prefer constructive criticism. Thank you.


	11. Darius

11 – Darius

The blood, so thick and sweet, slid down my throat in great swallows. For a moment I felt my throat close and my mouth started to fill with the ambrosia from the flask.

I felt cold, hard fingertips slide down my back and a heavy voice whisper. "Easy now."

I lowered the flask and continued to swallow until everything in my mouth was down. I turned to Darius. "Why do I do that? As soon as I taste it my mind goes blank to everything else."

"That will pass. But worry not. I'm here and I won't let you drown yourself."

"I feel funny." The same expanding feeling was coming back, like dormant cells were waking up and the world was suddenly so much clearer.

"Bad?"

"No. I don't feel bad. I feel …magnificent."

"So you feel magnificent, you look beautiful, and the night is wonderful. What's the problem? Why aren't you smiling?"

Did he really just say that? "You think I'm beautiful?" I whispered.

"Of course you are." He looked as if I had asked him if water was wet. His hand reached out to cradle my face, rather intimately for someone I had only known a few days. While his hand was on my cheek his thumb rubbed across my bottom lip. His voice was so heavy and deep, even when he whispered. "Very beautiful."

Before I had a chance to start feeling uncomfortable he lowered his hand and gave me a warm comforting smile. He was so easy to be with.

"Darius."

"Si?"

"You don't look at me like I'm fourteen years old." I wondered if I was about to ruin everything but sometimes my mouth has a mind of its own.

"Are you fourteen?" He cocked one eyebrow up and smirked at me.

"No."

He leaned back now in a relaxed way. "How old do I look to you?"

I took a minute to look at him, as if I hadn't been doing that all night already. "About twenty, twenty-one, I'd say."

"And do you think that is how old I am?" He tilted his head way to the side as if exaggerating the silliness of the question.

"No." I whispered softly.

"No one in our world is the age they look. And I am from an age when women who looked like you were arranged into marriages with men twice their age and starting families, not going to boarding schools."

"Oh." I looked down and remembered the flask. I started to raise it to my lips again when his hand landed on mine. It felt like someone had placed a smooth river stone on my hand. But it wasn't unpleasant.

"Armond is taking his shift on patrol for the next week. You may wish to save that."

A week? "There is no way I can take this back to my room. I know the other girls go through my stuff."

"Ah, that is unfortunate. Then by all means," He lifted his hand. "Drink."

I was determined to not lose my mind this time. He was still looking at my face so I stared hard into his eyes as I lifted the flask. Oh my, every time it was like I couldn't believe it. Did it really taste this good before. Surely nothing that had ever passed my lips tasted like this. I felt my eyes fluttering closed and I opened them wide, still staring into his as I drank.

He stared back at me, holding me, grounding me with his gaze. I finished it and lowered the flask slowly. He smiled at me and whispered, "Well done. You learn very fast."

"I've been told I'm very determined." I smiled back at him.

"Don't you mean stubborn?" He countered.

I stood up then. "No, that is not at all what I mean." But I knew that I had been called stubborn way more times than I had been called determined.

"Do not go away angry, Carlie." He stood too.

"Just go away?" I quipped back. Apparently he hadn't heard that before because he looked sort of shocked.

"That is not what I meant at all."

"Thank you for the drink." I handed him back the flask.

"Are you angry?" He asked, stepping closer to me.

"No." I took a half step back. I thought I might be in one of those situations where later when you are lying in your bed you think about what you should have done, or should have said, or how you should have acted. But I was in over my head and I knew it. I just wanted to get back to my room and away from this very intense, very sexy man who was totally invading my personal space.

"And will you be all right with just your human food for the next week?" He inched closer.

"Yup. I'm pretty sure. I probably shouldn't get too addicted to this stuff anyway. It's back to elk and mountain lions when I get back home." Ok now I was babbling. I had to get away. "Anymore questions?"

"Just one, then you can run off to bed."

I didn't much like that image, was he calling me a child now? 'Run off to bed' my ass. I felt anger spark a tiny bit even though that was exactly what I wanted to do. "Ask then."

His hand reached out to cup my face again. "Have you ever been kissed?"

I looked up into those huge dark eyes and almost lost myself again but fear flooded my body with adrenaline and my heart started to pound. "Of course I've been kis…."

I never got to finish that word, that thought, or that breath. His lips were already on mine. His hand moved from my cheek behind my head to cradle it and hold it firm. His lips were hard against mine and if that continued much longer they would have been bruised but he eased off, and his tongue pushed forward.

I knew this was how people kissed but knowing it and fantasizing about it and then having a real tongue in your real mouth were two very different things. He tasted like blood. I realized that I was kissing him back. And I think maybe those tiny whimpering sounds were coming from me.

I think as kisses go, this must have been a very good one. My entire body felt soft and if he didn't stop soon I might just slither to the ground in a big puddle of goo. I still felt his hand on the back of my head. Other than his mouth he touched me nowhere else. My hands fluttered by my side. I wasn't sure where to put them.

The kiss ended very gradually. His lips were on mine again, just lips. Soft kisses, and again. Then he released my head and took a step back.

I opened my eyes. What do you say after that? I had no earthly idea.

"Good night, Carlie. See you in a week." Then he smiled. "And don't fall off the roof getting back into the window."

That made me grin. But I didn't say goodbye. I didn't trust my voice just then. I climbed over the side and down the wall. When I got to the window I looked up. He was looking down watching me. Making sure I was all right.

I climbed in, shut the window, and pressed my head against the cool glass. What the hell was that? That cannot happen again. Oh but it was so so nice. I could still see him so clearly, feel his lips on mine, taste the blood in his mouth.

"What is wrong wit you?" Simone whispered.

Simone. I sighed. Why me? I turned and looked at her. She came forward from the shadows. She looked suspicious. "Don't say you were just sitting on the roof. I will know it for a lie."

"Want the truth, Simone?" I asked. She nodded and leaned her head back as if to say she would decide if I was telling the truth or not.

"I just had a gorgeous Italian hunk kiss the hell out of me and I'm not real sure if my legs are working right. So if you could just give me a minute I would be eternally grateful."

She stared at me a moment more. "You are telling the truth." I nodded and moved towards the couch. I'm not sure it would be called walking. I flopped down on the couch and leaned my head back. I hoped she would go back to her room but she didn't.

"And you hurt no one?" She asked as she sat on the other end of the couch, pulling her leg up under her.

"Didn't see anyone else, just him." I wonder if the blood made the kiss better. I could see better, hear, smell better. Did it make all senses better? The sense of touch, lips touching, tongues touching.

"Where did you go?"

I opened my eyes. I swear for a moment there I was back on that roof and I had forgotten she was even there. "Good night Simone." I smiled and dragged myself off to bed. I would have to be more careful around her. More careful around him too. Just more careful in general would be my new plan.

But you know, as plans go, they look better in theory than they do in execution.


	12. Growing

12 – Growing

I tossed and turned in bed for a long time wondering if I had been unfaithful to Jacob or not. I knew he was the one I was supposed to be with for all eternity. But had eternity started already or was that something in the future. I knew in Jacobs's mind it hadn't started yet. I was in some state of grace or purgatory or whatever until I looked like someone he wouldn't be a pervert for being with.

What did Darius want? He could have totally taken advantage of the situation. I hadn't really been thinking clearly and if his hands had started to wander… I might not have stopped them. But they didn't. All in all that was a very respectful kiss. Except of course for his tongue all up in my mouth. Warmth spread through my body like an electric charge just for having that thought. I turned over again and flipped my pillow to find the cool side.

I had to think of something else. Anything else. Or maybe nothing at all. I tried to make my mind as blank as possible. It seemed to be working but then weird images of some town I had never seen started to flicker in my mind. And people, speaking in german, arguing. Just before I fell asleep I realized. _These aren't your thoughts silly, these are Brigitte's dreams._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next morning I woke up and wondered if I had dreamt the whole thing. Did I really kiss Darius? Did I really see Brigitte's dreams? I wanted new experiences but maybe things were moving a little faster than I had planned. Then I had the biggest shock of all.

When I went to put on my uniform, the buttons at the bust strained open a little bit. I pulled on the shirt but as soon as I stopped pulling it gaped back open. I realized my breasts had grown over night.

Brigitte came back from the bathroom and looked at me oddly. "You look different. Are you wearing your hair a new way?"

"No. You think I look strange?" I asked.

"No I think you look … hmmm… older." She shrugged her shoulders and started gathering her books.

I looked back into the mirror. I did look older. Maybe fifteen years old. I could probably pass for sixteen if I put on make up. Carlisle said I had stopped. Why had I started again? I knew the answer but I wasn't ready to admit it to myself. Not yet. Because if it was true, then all my dreams had just been answered.

The days passed without incident. I was just biding time until the week was up. Mom would have said I was wishing my life away. But I had to know. Friday came and there was a long line of limos in the front drive. I found out a lot of girls go home on the weekends. The dining hall Friday night was only about one third full. This was going to be a long weekend.

Darius would not be here until Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday. I wasn't sure when he would be back but thinking about it made my stomach start fluttering again.

Simone was the only one left in our suite. Joy.

Luckily though, we discovered a mutual love for chess. We spent most of the evening playing and she gave as good as she got. Plus I think she was coming around about me and that was good too.

We were just debating whether or not to call it a night or play another game when she got very quiet.

"Something on your mind, Simone?" I asked. Better to get it out in the open or she would just worry about it.

"You are growing." She looked at me suspiciously.

"I know. I was told before I came here that I had stopped. That I would age normally now. This is unexpected." I sighed and started packing up the chessboard.

"You will leave then?" She asked softly.

"I don't know, Simone. I guess I'll have to. It's not really something I can explain. I don't know what I'm going to do. It just happened."

"I'm sorry" She spoke so low I barely heard her.

"Sorry for what? Sorry that I have to go or sorry for being so happy that I might go?" That came out pretty snappy and I felt bad as soon as I said it. We had been having a pretty nice evening up until then.

"You were starting to fit in here. I will not be sorry to see you go, but I will be sorry for you that you have to."

"Well that's pretty honest. Thanks."

She nodded her head once and stood up. "Good night, Carlie."

"Good night, Simone."

I put the game away and wandered around the room aimlessly. The entire dorm was so quiet. I didn't feel tired at all. I had avoided the roof since the kiss. I thought I would go crazy sitting up there alone thinking about him and the kiss and the blood and everything happening. But now I knew I was going crazy cooped up in this suite.

I opened the window and climbed up to the roof. He wasn't there. I didn't realize until I peeked over the edge that I had been hoping he was. Hoping that he came back early and was waiting for me. What an idiot.

I sat in my spot and stared out at the campus feeling the breeze. There was a mist moving across the lawn and it was starting to drizzle. It felt nice against my hot skin.

Now that I had peace and quiet, I could think. Before I was born I drank my mother's blood. That's why I grew so fast inside her. When I was tiny I aged a year in the first week after I was born. And I was drinking human blood the whole time. In fact I aged 4 years in the first month and I was still drinking human blood. It was only after I started hunting animals that I started to slow down. And lately, eating home cooked meals with Jacob and Seth, I barely hunted at all this past summer. I only had animal blood about once a week. That must be why I stopped growing. That had to be it. It was the only thing that made sense.

Papa Carlisle just thought it was growth spurts that had stopped but he was wrong.

And what about seeing Brigitte's dreams. Was I starting to get my dad's gift?

"That would be awesome!" I said aloud to myself.

"What would be ahhhhsome?" A deep voice behind me thrummed.

I spun around so quickly I slid down the roof a few feet until an iron hand reached out and grabbed my wrist.

"You came back." I knew I was smiling like a fool but there was no telling my mouth that. I couldn't have held that smile back with a vice grip.

"You knew I would. Why else would you be sitting out here in the rain waiting for me?"

My heart leapt and my mind whirled around and around. It was an internal battle between loving the sound of his words with that heavy accent and deep bass tone and being furious with him for saying them.

I pushed playfully on his shoulder, using my strength so it did push him back about half a foot. "I was so not waiting for you! I just had to get out of the room for…"

Of course he didn't let me finish. His hand grabbed mine before I had retracted it from pushing him. He pulled me against him and wrapped one arm around my waist. It happened so fast the air was forced from my lungs with an umpf sound.

"I love that you were waiting for me. Knowing I wasn't coming but hoping still." He pulled me tighter so that my face was against his neck and his face in my hair. He breathed deeply smelling my hair. "You have possessed me little one, and I am undone."

Holy shit! Did people really say stuff like that? I didn't have time to contemplate anymore questions. His lips found mine and this time I was ready. More than ready. Three days of ready. I kissed him back with everything I hadn't realized I'd been saving up. My arms wrapped around his neck and his around my waist. It was a little like hugging the statue of David but I didn't care. I wanted to be held. Wanted to be kissed. Wanted to be touched. Wanted to be wanted.

The kiss was better than the last time. Better because I wasn't freaking out about it. I just felt and reacted. I could save the thinking for later. My body was not turning into goo this time though. I was feeling very tense. Like my body was one hard muscle of need. But I didn't know what I needed. It was like an itch I couldn't scratch. I knew I needed something, something building but far away and I didn't know how to get there. Didn't know how to reach it.

The hard deep kiss turned into soft feather kisses on my lips, my cheek, my eyes, and then he placed his forehead against mine. He whispered so soft and low it sounded a little like a bumble bee. "Aro was right. No one can resist you. I know I cannot."

I leaned back and looked at him. I didn't know what to say to that. He looked like he was in pain.

He unwrapped his arms from my waist. "Let us sit. Will the rain bother you? Do you need to go inside?" He suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"It's fine. I've hunted lots of times in the rain. And it's a lot colder in Washington." I sat back down on the wet roof. He sat beside me.

He was making a face, like he was having an argument with himself.

"What's wrong, Darius?" I asked and placed my hand on his knee.

"I have the strangest feeling this is all coming to an end. I know you just arrived and this school, its four years for you. But somehow I feel that the future is no more. What do you say to that?"

"I think you are right. I've made some discoveries and I think that if things go my way, that I won't be finishing out the semester." He looked stricken like I had told him I was dying.

I hated to rub salt in the wound but I had to be honest. "I may not finish out the month."

He moved in front of me and took my hands. The gesture was so Jacob it weirded me out for a second. "I do not understand this. You went to so much trouble to come here and it was all for nothing? You give up so soon?"

I squeezed his hands. "But I'm not giving up. You have shown me another path. One that is much faster than my way. I will always be grateful to you. And…" I looked down, took a deep breath and bit my lip. Then I looked him in the eye. "And I really need your help."

_Thank you for reading this far. _

_Reviews inspire me. _

_I'm closing in on how far the story has gone in my head. I need to figure out what happens next. _

_I didn't expect to like Darius as much as I do and that is going to be a problem. _


	13. The New Plan

13 – New Plan

He froze. I gave him a minute to organize his thoughts. If it had been Jacob, I could have seen the emotions as they phased through before settling. But Darius gave no clue to his reaction.

Finally he spoke. His hands were still in mine so I took that as a good sign. "You want me to help you?"

I nodded.

"Will I be executed for this?" He asked me that so seriously I thought that even if I answered yes, it wouldn't necessarily have been a deal-breaker.

"No! Why would you…? I mean I can't see how you…I don't….I hope not." I stammered. I was a pretty clever girl and I understood enough about vampires to know I had no way of predicting how Aro would react to my change in plan. And I shouldn't be making promises I had no way of keeping.

Before anything else was said it started to rain harder. Ok this was going to have to wait.

"Can you get me out of here?" I asked, standing up.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Not now, tomorrow. It's the weekend and lots of people go home. Can you arrange for my 'uncle' or someone to pick me up tomorrow for, I don't know a weekend shopping trip or something. I don't think this plan can be hashed out on the roof. And I need you to set up a call to Aro once we get to wherever we are going. I'm going to need his help too."

He sighed and shook his head at me. "Are you very brave, pitifully insane or just dangerously naive."

"Can you do it?" I had to raise my voice. The rain was coming down in sheets making a roar on the roof.

"Yes."

"Great! See you tomorrow!" I ran for the edge of the roof. Heavy mist or drizzle is fine but I didn't enjoy taking a shower with my clothes on.

"Wait. Did you want this?" He held out the flask to me.

"Save it for tomorrow, I'm good." His completely shocked expression made me giggle. "Nice try but I'm not addicted yet, Darius."

I was still laughing as I started down the side of the building. I guess that is why I wasn't paying attention to how slippery the bricks had gotten. I think I started to scream as I fell but it was cut short with a grunt as arms like a steel cage wrapped around me.

"I've got you now."

He had landed with his feet in the open window and I had landed in his arms. He had one hand reaching inside the window keeping us from toppling over backward. His face was very close to mine and my eyes just kept traveling from his eyes to his lips. Rain collected on his thick black lashes and he had to keep blinking the drops away. His lips were slightly open and rain slid in around the top lip and out around the bottom, in and out, in and out. I think maybe I was addicted, but not to blood.

I was just about to lean up and kiss him this time when I felt warm arms grabbing at me and a low round voice commanding, "I have got her now. You are not welcome here!"

Simone pulled me into the window and by the time I got turned around he was gone. She quickly shut the window against the storm. But that didn't mean there wouldn't be one inside the room by the look on her face.

"That! That thing is your kissing friend? You have no shame at all! Enough! You cannot stay here. Something must be done." She was starting to rant and pace.

"I'm leaving." I said quietly as I stood dripping on the floor.

"This has gone on too long! You should not have been allowed to…You are what?" She stopped and looked at me.

"I'm leaving. Hopefully I'll be gone before everyone gets back Sunday night but that is not entirely in my power so we will see. I'm hoping to be out tomorrow, well today really it's Saturday already, or tomorrow."

"And you will not be coming back?" She looked skeptical.

"No. I mean gone,gone, as in all my stuff gone and no longer a registered student here."

"You are running off with him?"

I held my hand up to her as if to say hold that thought. I dripped into my room and came back a minute later in my pajamas with a towel around my head and sat on the couch. She sat on the other end.

"I'm not running off with him but he is helping me leave. Or I hope so. Then, I will be going home to the states. You were right, I don't belong here. I came here to escape and now I don't need to anymore. I'm sorry my being here frightened you."

She seemed to think on that for a moment. "And you trust him? Not to steal you away?"

I smiled at her. "Are you worried about me, Simone?" I placed a hand to my heart. "I didn't know you cared." I teased.

Her face was very serious. "You are not who I thought you were, Carlie Cullen. I hope you find happiness when you stop running."

"Thank you, Simone. And sorry for all the princess cracks." I grinned.

She got up to go and smiled back at me. "That is fine. I am a Princess." And then she was gone. I knew I would probably never see her again.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I never get tired of limos. Darius got one of his human hirelings to sign me out the next morning for the rest of the weekend. I had packed a small bag of clothes and my laptop. It was unsettling riding in the back with a man I had never met. He didn't speak to me once we were in the car.

The driver pulled into an underground parking garage and the 'uncle' got out and Darius got in. Then we were off again.

"Thank you. I really appreciate this." I smiled at him. I tried not to stare but even with the tinted windows the car was well lit and this was the most I had been able to see of him since we met.

"You didn't give me any choice. You know I cannot refuse you." He looked unhappy, or worried. It was hard to tell.

"Yes you can. You could have said no. I don't have any power over you, Darius."

He made a hmfgrumble sound that meant everything and nothing.

"Where are we going?" I tried looking out the window at the never ending mix of modern and historic architecture, but there was nothing I wanted to stare at more than him so my eyes kept wandering back inside.

"To my apartment." He was staring out the window. But I think he just wasn't ready to look at me.

"Well, I can't stay in your apartment." I tried to make my voice not sound squeaky but I think it may have gone up an octave or two.

"I'm having a bed delivered today. You'll be fine." The conversation was surreal. And that was saying a lot from someone brought up in a house full of vampires.

"That's not what I …"

"We're here." The driver had pulled into a covered parking deck and stopped right by the elevators. Darius looked down at his watch. "We have to call Aro in thirty minutes. That should give you enough time to tell me your plan and for me to help you figure out how to present it to him. Agreed?"

He was already getting out and I was scrambling to keep up. "Fine fine, but we still need to talk about me sleeping here."

We got in the elevator and he pushed the button and turned to me. "Yes?"

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I closed it and tried again. "I…" Not much better.

"Here, let me help." He said with an innocent smile as he crossed the elevator until he reached me and then kept on moving until I was pressed into the corner by his hips and his lips. His hands pressed against the wall over my head. My entire body was hollow and someone was pouring warm water all through my limbs to pool and churn in my stomach.

I had to wonder if all kisses felt like this or was he just some sort of Olympic kissing medalist.

His hands slowly slid down until they were cupping my face. His thumbs traced lightly over my cheek bones as his kisses got softer and softer. His hips pressed against mine in a way that was surprisingly not at all unpleasant.

He stopped when the door opened and took my hand leading me into the corridor. I think I mumbled something like, "Well, that didn't help at all." But I may have just said that in my head.

My hand was still in his and his other hand pulled keys from his pocket to open the door. He walked in front of me leading me in. It was a typical man's apartment, I thought. I didn't have much to compare it too. It was sparse and not frilly at all, not much in the way of accents but it was tastefully decorated. Everything matched. It was immaculate, everything put away. There were couches and chairs, no TV. A desk with a computer and next to that a saloon style half door that I assumed lead to the kitchen.

I think we both jumped a tiny bit when the half door swung open. Darius' hand squeezed mine. "Hello Aro, Welcome to my home." He said.

Oh my.


	14. MoreNewPlan

13 – More New Plan

I started to move forward towards him but Darius pulled me back and gave me a warning look that said _tread carefully here_.

I gave my own look back that said _I know what I'm doing_. He put his hands up in surrender and backed up against the wall.

I might look fifteen but what I lacked in experience I made up for in acumen. I smiled to start, I've been told I have an irresistible smile.

"Aro, Sir. Thank you so much for agreeing to talk to me. I certainly never expected you to take so much time to actually come all the way here and I want you to know I am honored." I looked down at the ground in reverence. "And grateful."

The ball was in his court now and I would soon know if I had overshot, hit the net or aced in his face.

"Well, Miss Cullen or is it Carlie now, I think Darius mentioned that."

"Either is fine, Sir" My head was still down.

"Carlie, it was no trouble at all. I had no plans today and I haven't seen you in a few years and if Darius has the right of it you may be leaving us very soon. I certainly couldn't miss this opportunity to spend time with you."

Hmmm so far so good. I decided to stay quiet until he asked me a specific question. One thing older people don't like is babbling children going on and on and never shutting up.

He pulled out the chair by Darius' computer and sat down in it. I'm sure he had no need to sit and wanted it to look like a throne and I was here to present my case. That was fine by me. It was easier to talk to tall people when they were sitting anyway.

"Are you prepared to tell me your new plan?" After speaking he sat very still, statue still. Perfect. I had lots of practice explaining my case to statues or trying to talk myself out of trouble. Either way that experience would help me now.

"Absolutely. Do you mind if I start with a little personal history. I promise it pertains directly to my future."

He lifted his hand in a dismissive gesture. "As you wish."

And so I began the most important speech of my short life.

"Before I was born, I drank blood from my mother, Bella, almost killing her in the process. I grew insanely fast. My body grew in days what other babies take nine months to grow. And I didn't just grow physically. My mind was growing so fast that before I was born I was able to communicate with my father, Edward, through his telepathy. So my brain was advancing faster than my body. After I was born, I physically aged one year in the first week. And then three more years in the first month of life. Again my intellect advanced much faster and I was reading on a high school level at this point. That is when my life changed."

I felt Darius moving closer and I noticed a slight forward movement in Aro. I had them hooked in my story.

"Then I began to hunt animals with the rest of my family. I was no longer given human blood. I don't know why Carlisle didn't put these two changes together but he didn't. I think he is blind to any evidence that purports human blood to be more advantageous than animal blood. Nonetheless, as soon as my diet no longer included human blood my growth began to slow down."

Aro was actually nodding now. Hook, line, and sinker.

"This summer, I reduced my hunting to once or twice a month and Carlisle declared my accelerated growing was over and predicted that I would age normally now. But he was wrong."

I gestured to Darius.

"A few nights ago I snuck out the window of my suite. Darius showed up pretty quick and made sure I knew I was not allowed to go hunting in town." Aro looked at Darius then and I hope that it was an 'atta boy' sort of look but I really don't have the subtlety of ancient vampire looks down. So I could but hope.

"Instead he offered me some of his blood from the blood banks that you have purchased. And once more two nights later. That is when I realized that my body was growing again. And when I realized why."

"You still have not explained your new plan."

_I'm getting to that, hold your horses. _

"Yes, Sir. Well obviously I cannot remain at school when I am growing before their eyes. Also the only reason I wanted to go to school was to have somewhere to spend these last four years of growing. I wanted to return home as an adult. Someone they could see as an equal, or at least as not a child. But now I see I do not need to wait four years. I can achieve my goal in a matter of weeks. With your help." I said the last and I looked to the floor again, waiting for him to bite. Ha Ha bite, ok a little vampire humor there.

"And you wish me to…"

I could see the end in sight. I tried to have some control but I just started sprinting towards the finish line.

"I need to get unregistered from the school and at least some of the money my dad paid in tuition back so I can support myself here in Milan for the next three weeks or so and I need my parents not to know anything about this and I need …well… the blood to drink so I can grow up and since you were planning to have your guard watch out for me for four years anyway three weeks sounds like a much better deal for you and if the blood cost money I'm sure there will be enough left from the tuition to pay for…"

"Enough!"

I stopped and looked back down again. Please please please please. He didn't say anything so I looked up at him and gave him my brightest smile.

"I think you have gotten your way enough times that you overestimate your powers of persuasion." His whole body was statue still except for his lips and one brow rising slowly on his forehead.

Now, statue reading I could do and maybe it was a little of my dad's mind reading gift but I always knew when I had convinced Mom or Dad of whatever scheme I was trying to convince them of. But they say I am clever so that must have been why I kept my next thought to myself.

_I estimate my powers of persuasion ROCK! You old goat!_

I just kept smiling.

"However, I can see your point about school. It would not be wise to continue attending now that your abnormal growth has resumed. I will have no problem withdrawing you from school or providing you with blood for the duration of your stay."

"Thank you very much, Aro. You are my most favorite person right now."

He turned away and gave no reaction to that but I could tell it pleased him. "You will not however, live on your own in Milan. Darius has offered his home to you and I suggest you stay here. And furthermore, I will not now nor ever hide you from your parents. You must contact them today to tell them you are no longer at school and that I have not abducted you. This is most important."

"I understand. I don't know what I was thinking. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your position." I announced and he seemed mollified by that.

"I have your word that you will remain here until you leave for the states?"

"Every second here or just living here?"

"Maintaining this residence."

"Yes, Sir. I'll stay here." Then he turned to Darius.

"You will be taken off the rounds until she is gone. She is your only priority. Her health has more value than yours at this point."

Darius nodded his head once but didn't speak.

"And I have your solemn vow that you will speak to your parents today." He stepped forward just then and for the first time fear sparked in my chest.

I held up my hand. "I promise."

Aro then drew in an exaggerated breath as if to comment on how exasperating it was dealing with me. But I had gotten most everything I wanted so he could make any kind of comments he wanted.

He turned back to Darius. "I will call you shortly when all has been taken care of."

Then, Darius walked him to the door and as soon as I heard it click I was doing the happy snoopy dance all around the living room furniture.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah. I did it ! I rock!" I chanted in my glee. Darius was laughing.

"You do realize he can still hear you until he gets into his limo."

I dropped down in a hunch and covered my mouth with both hands. "Oh Shit!" But I still erupted into giggles. I was going to have it all. Three weeks in Milan with gorgeous Darius and all the blood I could drink and then have an adult body and then home to …. Oh yeah. Ok so it wasn't all worked out but it was still pretty fantastic.

I stood up as Darius started coming around the couch. Yes, I was definitely going to need to lay out some ground rules. His body moved like he was stalking me. So I backed up. He matched me step for step as I walked around to the back of the couch then he stopped.

"You fear me_ now_?"

I stopped moving away and he came to stand in front of me. I leaned against the back of the couch.

"I…um…. yes?" I didn't know what else to say.

"I do not understand."

"When I first met you, the fear was for violence. As soon as I knew you were not going to hurt me, there was no reason for fear."

He shook his head. "And now you believe I will harm you?"

"No. It's a different kind of fear." I ran my hand through my hair. "I'm afraid I won't know how to…"

"Carlie, stop. I have been very respectful, yes?" I had a quick image of the elevator invasion but I blinked it away.

"Yes." It was barely a whisper.

"I have kissed you and held you and touched your face. But have I ever asked you to do anything you didn't know how to do?" His face was so close to mine I could smell his lovely breath when he talked and I remembered it had been several days since I had any blood. I blinked that thought away too.

"No."

"Then you have nothing to fear from me." He laid his hand to my cheek so very gently.

I was breathing in short pants now, from fear, excitement, I don't know what all. "I'm afraid," short breath…. "I won't know" ……….. "how to"………. "say no."

He smiled at that. "Then just say yes." He leaned forward, pressed me against the couch, and turned his head to the side so his ear was facing my lips and began kissing my collar bone. "Say yes for me, Carlie." More kisses. "It's all I want to hear." Soft nibbles and licks against my skin. "Yes." Kiss. "Yes." Lick. "Please."

I closed my eyes and breathed into his ear. "Yessssss."

_Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?_

_Anyone out there still reading?_


	15. Blood

_There is a link to a pic of what I think Darius looks like on my profile page if you are interested._

15 – Blood

"Yessss." I breathed.

He moaned very quietly and seemed to sag against me for a moment. He turned his head then to look at me, a lazy grin on his face, hair falling in his eyes, and an over all ease and comfort to his countenance. Like he was finally home.

He put his hands on my ribs and lifted me up to sitting on the back of the couch, then stepped forward so he was standing between my open thighs. I was wearing jeans, so it wasn't as bad as if I was wearing a skirt, but it was still a bit disconcerting.

"Do you know what that 'yes' means to me?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"It means I can do anything I want with you."

I felt my eyes bugging out of my head and I opened my mouth to set him straight when he gently laid his fingers against my lips. "Shhhh. Just listen to my voice. Hear my words. Yes?"

I nodded and watched him closely but my heart was hammering in my chest. What had I said yes to?

"We will never, not for one moment in time, progress faster than you want. The only things I want to do are things you are ready for, past ready for and practically begging for if you ever begged for things which I do not believe you do. I never want you to be scared of me." He grinned mischievously then and added, "Unless I want you to be scared."

His arms wrapped around me and he tilted me back on the couch so I was balanced precariously on the edge and losing my balance quickly. I squealed and squirmed and laughed as I tried to get back up.

Just then there was a heavy knock on the door and he jumped back quickly. I fell backwards, did a flip off the couch and landed on my knees. I bit my tongue!

He laughed and said, "Oh, sorry! Are you fine?"

I waved him off and he went to answer the door. It was the delivery men with my bed. Oh lovely, a queen size. That would be a nice change from the torture rack. I went into the kitchen to find a dishtowel or something for my tongue, I could taste the blood in my mouth and it wasn't pleasant.

I heard him giving directions to the men for setting it up as I ran water over the end of the towel I found. Then I pressed it to my tongue. Ow Ow. It was quite tender now. Some tough girl I am.

"What are you doing in the kit..." He came through the swinging door still smiling and then froze.

I pulled the towel from my mouth. "I bid my ton." I said in a puny 'feel sorry the klutz' voice.

He covered the few feet between us in less than a second, gently taking the towel from me and placing it on the counter. His eyes were fixated on my mouth.

"Thariuth?" I asked, hoping to get his attention away from my tongue. But I think that was like throwing a pillow at a runaway bus to slow it down. His mouth moved in towards mine with painfully slow increments. His lips brushed against my skin so softly I barely felt it. Then his tongue slid between my teeth and drew my tongue into his mouth so tenderly I almost didn't notice when he started to suck.

I think I may have gone into shock, a quick image of a deer right before I had taken enough blood to render her unconscious flitted through my mind. I could feel my life pouring through my body and into his but I was helpless to stop it. Helpless because I couldn't imagine that living would feel better than this, this sweet surrender. I heard a weird grating crushing sound and some part of my brain registered that it was his hands on the edge of the marble countertop…crushing it to powder.

I awoke sitting on the stool in the kitchen with my head between my knees. I could hear mumblings that eventually turned into "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over again.

The men in the other room were finished with the bed. "Keep your head down." He commanded before going to see them out or pay them or whatever he needed to do. I was too busy focused on the floor moving around under me. I lowered my head more because he had told me too. My head hit the floor and I did another flip. This time I landed on my back with my legs straight up against the counters. Oh my, this was funny.

"What are you…?" He helped me back up on the stool and pushed it to the counters so I could lay my head down. I watched him take blood from the refrigerator and pour it into a tumbler then set that down in a pot of water on the stove. Didn't he have a microwave? He was grumbling and mumbling and I couldn't tell if it was indecipherable because I was so out of it or if it was simply indecipherable.

While he waited for the blood to warm up his hands gripped the edge of the stove. I think he was mad. Then he turned just his head and stared at me. "Why didn't you stop me?" He asked.

"Why did you stop?" I countered.

More indecipherable mumblegrumbles followed. Finally he brought the tumbler to me and placed it in my hands. I started to sip but that got out of control quickly until he took it away from me and set it on the counter. I could feel blood dripping down either side of my mouth.

"You are trying to test me? Is that it?" He had such a look of pained restraint on his face. I didn't know what to say. He picked the towel back up and wiped the sides of my face. I was starting to feel better now. I reached for the tumbler, took two big gulps and then set it back down. I gave him a look of triumph. _See what I did just there? _But instead of praising me he simply turned and walked out of the kitchen leaving the doors to swing and bang for a few seconds.

I picked up my blood cup and slid off the stool to follow him. Whoa oh. My hand went out to grab the counter for a minute. Then my legs remembered how to work and I walked out to the living room. He was sitting on the couch so I sat in the chair across from him.

"What happened, Darius?" I asked softly, taking two more drinks and setting it back down on the end table.

"I almost killed you, Carlie."

Oh. Well when he put it that way I guess it was a pretty big deal. I really didn't remember much of it. I tried to help him out.

"But you didn't." I smiled.

"You are a child. Your family is right to want to protect you." He turned away and wouldn't look at me.

"How can you say that to me? How dare you?" I started to stand up but thought better of it. Fainting would do nothing to help my case.

"When I kiss you, when I touch you, I think of us as equals. Partners in passion if you will. I cannot be the adult to your immaturity. I cannot be the one to watch out for you, to protect you. Because I am the one causing you danger. I am the one you need protecting from. Can you really not say no to me? I gave you every opportunity. I came to you excruciatingly slow, I could already taste the blood on your tongue in the air. You said nothing. You raised no hand to push me back, no whisper of rejection. It was if you welcomed death or worse that you trusted me to hold your life in my hands when I was the one wanting to suck it out of you!" Somewhere in his tirade he had stood up and started pacing.

We were interrupted by his phone ringing. "Si?" He answered. He murmured in Italian for a bit and then hung up. "That was Aro. Your things are being gathered now and will be brought here this afternoon."

This afternoon? Was it still morning? I felt like I had been out for hours. "What time is it?" I asked before finishing the glass of blood and wondering if I could ask for another or if he was going to throw me out on the streets any second.

"Twelve thirty. Do you want more?" He walked over to me and took the glass from my hand.

"Yes please." I answered but reached out and took his other hand in mine. He did not pull it away but he wouldn't look at me again. He just stood there waiting for me to let go. I didn't. "Darius, I'm sorry. We need to talk, I mean really talk. Can we do that please?"

He nodded and I let his hand go and leaned back in the chair waiting for him to come back from the kitchen. I tried to gather my thoughts while he was gone. It was getting easier now that I wasn't dying.

He came back and handed me another full glass of warm blood. I took a sip and then held it in my hands. I had much more control now that my initial thirst was quenched. "Thank you"

He nodded and sat back down on the couch. "Aro wanted me to remind you that you promised to call your family today. He wanted me to call him if you did not because I think he plans to do it himself if you do not."

"I will call them, I have time."

He nodded again in that noncommittal way that was starting to get on my nerves.

"Darius, I am not a child. I know that I don't react the way I should in some situation but that is merely a lack of experience. Once I have the experience I will know how to act."

"That is what your teen-age years are for. Learning experiences. And you propose to skip over all of that in three weeks."

I continued sipping and gaining strength and mental acuity from the nutrients. "I know it seems I'm setting myself up for failure. But I learn as fast as I grow, maybe faster. And I know I can do this. As far as you and I are concerned. I need to learn to tell you no. To be honest it's very hard for me because I've never been wanted by anyone."

He made a huffing sound at that and looked at me as if I must be joking. How flattering that was. But he could see by my eyes that I was serious.

"You are the first man to touch me in a romantic way and I was….I was… starving." I took a deep breath and another sip then. That was a hard thing to admit but necessary for him to understand. I set the glass back down on the table and went to kneel in front of him, placing my hands on his legs.

"I will try harder not to trust you with my life." A small smile flickered from the corner of his mouth at that. "And I promise to try to tell you no and take more control of my life and my safety. You are right. There is growing up that I need to do that has nothing to do with my body. And I intend to work very hard at that. Please forgive me, Darius."

He pulled me into his lap then and held me close. "I can deny you nothing, Carlie. You own my soul now, can you not see that?"

I pressed my forehead against his and breathed in his scent, so familiar to me now. His head tilted back and his lips sought mine. I lifted my head up and it felt like a heavy weight was on the back of my neck. His arms were around me so the weight was all in my mind. I lifted my hand and placed it on his lips. "No."

He blinked at me and I think I saw surprise, disappointment, and hope, or pride. It was hard to tell. Then I said, "Ow."

"What pains you?"

"Not kissing you. When I very much want to." I answered truthfully.

"But you do not think you should?" He asked.

"No." There, I'd said it again.

He nodded his head and used his hand to push my head down to his shoulder. Then he wrapped his arms tighter around me and just held me. I was lost in a sea of new. I didn't understand everything that I was feeling and wanting. There were 'shoulds' to consider and the 'what ifs' were driving me mad. For now, perhaps it would be better not to be lost in his kisses, because when his lips were on mine, everything made sense. And that scared the hell out of me.

_Don't worry. I'm not forgetting about Jacob. It's just so very hard to stop kissing Darius. _

_Jacob is coming back in soon I promise. So, nobody go out and get Team Darius shirts made up or I may have to shoot you… or wear one. _

_Who knows?_


	16. The Call

16 – The Call

I don't know how long I snuggled against him but I think afterwards we both felt better. I still wanted to kiss him and the longer I sat there the more saying 'no' seemed like a stupid idea. I found the strength to get up and if you think that was easy you're crazy.

I wasn't sure what I was going to say to my parents but I thought I had better give it a try before Aro did. I dug my cell phone out of my purse. I turned it on and started dialing but before I got the number in the phone made a weird ring and shut down. Dang it. I had no idea where my battery charger was.

"Um, my phone's dead. Can I use yours?" I tossed mine back in my purse.

"Sure." Darius pulled it back out of his pocket and handed it to me. "Do you know what you are going to say?" He asked.

I laughed. "I have no idea."

He looked stricken. "Do you not think you should have a plan before you talk to them?"

"Why? They're my parents. I've talked to them lots of times. It's just a matter of wearing them down with explanations and such and they finally give in on most anything I want."

I started to dial and he took the phone from me. "What?"

"You are here to grow up, yes?" He looked sort of like me when I was getting ready to give one of my explanation theories. He waited for an answer even though I was pretty sure the question was rhetorical.

"Yes, yes. Grow up."

"So, grow up. Do not talk to them like you are a fourteen year old girl asking their permission to hang out in Milan instead of boarding school. They will reject that idea on principle. When they next see you, you might look nineteen or twenty years old. You should start acting like it now. And treat them like you plan to treat them when you go home. With respect but also with self respect and understanding the importance of your plans for your own future."

"Wow. Maybe you should talk to them." I half-joked.

"I am not your parent or guardian, Carlie. Nor do I want to be." He countered.

"Then what are you, Darius?" I knew I was stalling now.

He walked closer to me and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm the man who wants to take you to bed."

Meep!

"Make the call, Carlie." He walked away, sat in his chair, picked up a book off the end table and began reading.

I thought about what he'd said. How do I act like I am twenty already? I might look that old in three weeks, I better figure it out. I dialed the number.

No one answered at the cottage, so I tried the big house.

Esme answered on the second ring.

"Hello Esme, it's Nessie. It's good to hear your voice." Darius looked up at me and crooked his eyebrow at Nessie. I just waved him off and walked away with the phone. I knew he could hear me anywhere in the apartment but I didn't have to look at him while I was talking.

Esme was freaking out a little bit and calling everyone to the phone or announcing it was me or something. She was usually so calm and collected. This was not a good sign.

"Esme… Esme!" I had to yell. "I've only been gone a week. My goodness calm down please." I don't know if my calling her Esme instead of Grandma Esme shocked her or my gentle reproach but she got very quiet.

"Are Mom and Dad there? I need to talk to them." I hope that sounded grown up enough.

"Yes, your mother is here. Jasper went out to find your father. Here she is now."

"Nessie? Nessie? Are you all right, baby?" Oh my god! She sounded frantic. Did Aro call already. He didn't give me much time.

"Of course I'm all right, Mom. What in the world is the matter with you?" This was not going good. If we had started with calm I might have been able to hold on to it for a while but starting with hysteria was going to be much harder.

"I couldn't get you on your cell and Jacob said you weren't answering his emails. So today I called your suite and a girl answered and said that you were gone and there were men in your room packing up your things. Now you tell me right now Renesmee Carlie Cullen, where are you? And tell me the truth."

I took a deep cleansing breath, found my center and tried to BE older.

"First of all, Mom I need you to calm down and stop freaking out on me. Can you do that? We probably only have one minute to talk because Dad will be there any second and rip the phone from your hand."

She started stammering at that. "I'm not freaking out and Edward wouldn't rip the phone from my hand."

Good. I put that thought in her head so now when Dad got there she would stand her ground and not let him have the phone right away.

"Ok. I am in Milan still. I had to leave school very quickly because I started growing again. It seems Carlisle was wrong about my growing normally. Aro sent the men to gather my things as a favor to me. I am not nor do I have any plans of going to Volterra. It's about one hundred and fifty miles south of here and I have never been anywhere near it."

I heard her sigh of relief and then I heard her cover the phone with her hand. I think she must be relaying that information to the group. It was a while before she came back. I started tapping my fingers on the wall.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I'm back. Your father is here." I wondered if she was telling me or asking me if I wanted to talk to him.

"Mom, I would like to only explain everything one time. Do you want me to explain it to you or to Dad?"

In the background I heard Jacob come in shouting. "I'll kill every last one of them. I'm getting on a plane and going there and killing them all. There will not be a vampire left in all of Italy if she is not back in this house in 24 hours!"

"Mother, please ask Dad to shut him up so I can talk to you."

"Nessie, what has gotten into you? You sound very different." I could hear in the background – _What's wrong? Is she ok? What's she sound like?_

"I am different, Mom. Like I said I'm growing again. Remember after I was born when I grew so quickly? Well I've got another growth spurt and I'm growing physically, mentally and emotionally."

"Well, that doesn't make any sense, Nessie. You were drinking human blood when you were a baby. Why would you all of a sudden be growing now?" I clearly heard my dad in the background that time. He sounded shocked. _BELLA!_

And then I knew. Carlisle wasn't wrong. He knew. They all knew and they let me come all the way here when we could have solved this at home.

"You knew? You all knew and you kept it from me?" I was getting a little hysterical now and starting to yell. Darius came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist calming me.

I took another breath but by then my dad was on.

"Nessie, where are you exactly? We are coming on the next plane to get you."

"Put Jacob on please. I don't want to talk to any of you right now. At least I can trust him not to lie to me." I could hear my dad yelling now but I held the phone away from my head. I waited while he yelled and then my mom got on and was talking softly but I kept the phone away from me the whole time. Waiting.

Darius smiled. "That's real mature, Carlie."

"Who is that and why is he calling you Carlie?" Finally, I heard Jacob's voice.

"Jacob, finally, I thought they would never give you the phone."

"Well you didn't give them much choice. Talk to me. What's going on? We will all be there tomorrow. Carlisle is on the computer getting us tickets right now. We are going to get you out."

"Ok Jacob, I need you to be quiet and listen. I need someone there on my side because they are all freaking out. For one, there is nothing to get me out of. No one has abducted me. I'm perfectly fine. I have not been enlisted into the Volturi Guard. But I am still under the protection of the Volturi so I'm perfectly safe. Aro gave his promise that I would be unharmed and he plans to keep his promise. For two, you need to get them to back down on this mass exodus to Italy. Do not, I repeat, do not come here. I am safe and fine but if you come I will leave. Then, I won't be telling you where I am. That is non-negotiable."

"Nessie, you aren't making any sense."

"Listen, you guys will have to just trust me to do what's best for my own life right now. I will be returning to Washington in three weeks, give or take. I will be coming home to stay. But I need these three weeks. I came here to grow up and that is exactly what I intend to do. I thought it was going to take four years and if it was up to that pack of liars there it _would_ take that long. But it doesn't have to."

"Nessie, how can I stop them from coming to get you? You can't put that on me. I want to come and get you as much as they do."

"Well is there anyone there that isn't freaking out?" This was a nightmare.

"Carlisle."

Great. The head honcho of liars. "Fine, put him on."

I was able to at least have a civil conversation with Carlisle, even though I wanted to go off on him for being such a big fat liar. I explained about the blood banks and that I wasn't hunting and made sure he understood that I would take off if I so much as got a hint of any Cullens coming to Italy. I didn't let him off the phone until I was sure he was going to keep everyone there.

My ear was starting to get hot from the phone being against it for so long. I switched sides and noticed Darius had gone back to his chair and was looking like he was ignoring me but I'm sure he was listening to every word.

Finally Carlisle told me that Jacob wanted to talk to me again. I said ok and walked into the bedroom. I closed the door but I'm not sure how much privacy that gave us. Maybe it was just the idea of it.

"Nessie, hey." He sounded so sad, so defeated.

"Hey yourself, Jacob." I tried to sound calm and happy so he would be to.

"This is really messed up." I hated hearing him so sad.

"I know it seems that way because you guys are all over there having a big worry fest and you think I'm over here running around with evil vampires." Darius gave a big cough from the other room and I rolled my eyes.

"It's been settled. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Please let there be something else, it felt wonderful to hear his voice even when it was sad.

"Yeah." Then silence. I guess he was gathering up courage or something. I sat on the bed and waited.

"You there, Nessie?" He finally said.

"I'm here, Jacob. Talk to me." This was my Jacob. We could always talk about everything. Well, we could until I started having hormone attacks.

"It's just that, your teen years, that's a lot to go through in just a few weeks. And you are over there and I'm not with you. I just….I was…" I could here him pacing and running his hand through his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts. I could close my eyes and picture him as if he was right in front of me.

"Nessie, who was that guy and why did he call you Carlie?"

Oh. That was harder to explain than the whole staying in Milan for three weeks thing.

"When I started school I changed my name. Just wanted to be someone different." I took a breath. "And the voice was Darius. He is my body guard." Well, at least I hadn't lied to him.

"Is that all he is?" Dang, he could read my mind better than my dad.

"Not exactly." I heard his breath catch in his throat.

"What not exactly is he, Ness?" I heard the faintest hint of desperation in his voice and it hurt me so to hear it.

"I don't know really. That's why I said not exactly." That was not a very artful dodge but I was not prepared for this conversation just yet.

He started to speak again but I cut him off. "Jacob, this is what I can tell you. I understand about the imprinting. I understand you say I have free will and can choose whoever I want. But I know who I want. I want you. And I know that you and I will be together forever."

"Ness, you're not locked in if you…" I cut him off.

"Jacob, I'm trying to explain. I believe that we will be together forever, but…"

"But…?"

"But I don't think forever has started yet."

Silence for a full minute. I didn't want to be the one to speak first. Sometimes Jacob just needed time to process things and figure out how he felt about them. If I could see him now I could watch the emotions cross his face one by one like a parade.

"Ok." He finally said.

"Ok?" I asked.

"I'm going to keep emailing you." That made me smile.

"I want you to. I'm sorry I haven't answered you but I will. There has been a lot going on lately."

We talked about nothing for a few more minutes and it was very comforting just hearing his voice and being in his world, hearing about our friends. Then, we said good bye and my heart felt very heavy. This was going to be a long three weeks. Long and exciting and scary. I could do this.

It was time to grow up.


	17. Not Yet

17 – "Not Yet"

I sat there a few minutes on the bare mattress wondering if he had even thought about sheets. People who never sleep might not think about things like that.

I was indecisive to say the least. I couldn't stay in there all day but I wasn't sure I wanted to walk back into the living room either. I knew he'd heard the conversation, at least my end of it. I felt like I had betrayed them both.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in." I was still sitting on the edge of the bed.

Darius peeked his head in. I looked up and thought how truly beautiful he was. My stomach flip flopped a little.

"How is your heart?" He asked.

I tilted my head to the side and gave a little smile. "It's a bit sore just now."

He came the rest of the way in and sat down on the bed beside me. "So this Jacob……. he is your destiny?" He asked softly.

Wow, way to hit right at the heart of things. I just nodded.

His hand reached up and gently brushed the hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. His cool fingertips sent a shiver through me. "But not yet?" He asked even softer with a smile that was not innocent at all.

I turned to look at him. I shook my head and grinned. "Not yet."

He kissed me then, very tenderly, then on the cheek and jaw line as his hands slowly lowered me down onto the mattress. It felt so wonderful. I loved the way my body reacted to him. He was like a drug. It was so easy and he really wasn't doing anything but soft chaste kisses.

Once I was lying down though I started to feel a little nervous. Darius was lying beside me, leaning up on one elbow, his head over mine, looking down at me smiling. "So, I've got three weeks to change your destiny?"

It took a second to process what he said. My eyes flew open. "No! Wait, that's not what I …" No chance to finish that thought. He silenced me with his phenomenal mouth. As his tongue swirled with mine electric impulses radiated through my body. I felt like everything tingled. That odd need that I couldn't explain started building again. It was like prey that always stayed in my peripheral vision. I couldn't even figure out which direction to go. I just knew I needed something desperately and he was the one making me feel this way.

He leaned up a little as the kiss deepened. His chest pressed against my shoulder and I felt his hand move to rest on my stomach. It felt … good but I wasn't sure. I didn't know where this was going.

Ok I did know - but not exactly and I knew I wasn't ready. I tried to say something but I couldn't move my head away from his mouth, hard pressed against mine.

He pushed his chest harder against my shoulder and I could tell he was planning on more and not stopping anytime soon. His hand started to move slowly up towards my breasts. My mind was exploding with contradiction. I wanted to stop him. I wasn't ready for this but it felt so good and I wanted him to touch me there.

I tried to tell him to slow down but I still could not get my mouth to move he held me so tight. I finally reached up and pushed on his shoulder. It was a rock and did not move. I pushed with all my might and it finally moved him back. He pulled back then and blinked at me.

"Not yet." I said with as much conviction that I could muster. Then, I got up, ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the girl looking back at me.

I reached to turn on the water and splash some on my face when I heard the door to the apartment slam shut. I listened to see if I heard anyone new coming in. But I knew the truth. Darius had left. And he was not happy.

I put my hands on the sink and leaned forward looking at the stranger in the mirror. "Girl, what are you doing?"

I stared at myself for a good minute. Then, I stood up straight and held up one finger.

"One, that is a grown-ass man out there and you are not grown up yet! You need to stop acting like you're going to do more than you're willing to do because it feels good. There's a word for girls like that." I gave myself a knowing look.

"Two, the goal here is to lay low, drink up, and fill out. Anything else is a distraction. Keep your eyes on the prize." That sounded a little like a movie of the week football speech and I was starting to get a little embarrassed even though I was alone.

"Three, you are planning to go through your teenage years in three weeks. This is not going to be easy! You are not going to sail through this." I tilted my head to the side as I had a revelation. "You need help." I turned from the mirror. "I need help."

As I left the bathroom I heard a knock at the door, not the bedroom door, the front door. Did Darius forget his keys?

When I peeked out the little peephole I saw two men. I didn't recognize them and I was about to pretend no one was home when I noticed luggage on the ground around them. Ahhhh !

I opened the door and they brought all my stuff in. I had them to take it to the bedroom. When they were gone I rummaged through my things and found my cell phone cord and plugged it in the wall. I could use the phone as long as it was plugged in but I had to be sure. I started pacing.

"I have to take control of this situation. I've made some rash decisions and I think they were the right ones but I need to slow down and think this through."

"I have no money. I'm living in a strange man, vampire's apartment. Not one person in my family knows where I am. I don't really know anyone else in Milan." I tugged at the waistband of my jeans. They were starting to feel uncomfortable. "And in about five minutes none of my clothes will fit!" I walked purposely to the phone. "I need help."

I was very nervous dialing the number. I was worried that Darius would come back. I don't know why that would worry me but it did. I wanted this to be a private conversation. Esme answered the phone. Not that it would be private on the other end.

"Hi, Esme. It's Nessie again."

"What's wrong?" I could hear people in the background asking _Who is it?_

"Um, nothing is really wrong can I talk to Alice? Is she there?" I hoped she was there and could possible walk somewhere with the phone so she wouldn't have an audience.

"Sure you can. Hold on one minute." I waited and could hear mumblings and murmurings but couldn't make out exactly what they were saying. Oh to be a fly on the wall.

"Hey ladybug! What's up? You sure know how to shake things up around here and you are a zillion miles away." I love Alice to pieces!

"Um, can you get somewhere where it's just you and me talking and not everyone hanging on your every word?"

"Well, it's a little tricky hun, you called the landline. Let me call you back on my cell."

"Ok call me back." I looked at the clock on the wall. How long would he be gone? I could make the call with him here but it would really be embarrassing. And I couldn't very well ask him to step out of his own apartment. The ringing of my phone made me jump.

"Alice."

"Yeah doll, it's me. I ran into the woods a bit. There is no one around. What's wrong?"

"I need help." Wow. Saying it out loud to someone else was like lifting a car off my back.

"What about everything you said to Bella? Was someone listening in? Where are you?"

"Alice, Alice, calm down. Everything I said was the truth. I am in Milan and I have a safe...ish place to stay and I'm going to grow my body into adulthood in the next three weeks and then come home for good."

Before she could ask about the safe…ish remark I plowed on. "But there was one thing that isn't true but I didn't realize it when I called before."

"Ok, I'm listening." Alice never judged me. She was the best.

"I can't do this alone. I'm scared. I'm making bad decisions. I'm in way over my head. And none of my clothes fit!" I tried to lighten it up there at the end so she wouldn't get all scared for me.

She didn't say anything for a minute. "So are you lifting the ban on us coming to Italy?"

"Just you. Can you come? Will you help me?"

"I'll be on a plane tonight. I don't care if I have to buy one."

I took the deepest breathe I could. Help was coming. "Call me when you get here."

We said our good byes and I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I hung up the phone and set it down on the table to finish charging up. I turned around.

The door was open.

Darius was standing in the doorway.


	18. Confrontation

17 – Confrontation

I didn't move. I just stared at him and wondered how much he had heard. He looked pretty angry so he must have heard something.

I hadn't noticed the bags at his feet until he picked them up and walked towards the bedroom. I still didn't move. This was not my place. I suddenly felt like I was trapped with no where to go… with an angry vampire.

He marched back out of the bedroom, sans bags and headed towards the kitchen, passing right in front of me but not looking at me or speaking. His hands were out in front and smacked the swingy doors in.

But then he turned around and blasted them back out again walking straight towards me.

"You are the most contrary person I have ever met. It is a wonder your parents let you out of their sight, much less out of the country!" It was hard to understand every word. Apparently when he was angry his accent got worse. Or the fact that he was speaking so quickly or exploding every word out at me like a bullet.

"Darius, I …"

"First you want to go to boarding school, now you do not. You want Aro to provide you with protection for four years and now its three weeks and supply you with blood. You deny your family entrance to Italia and now you beg them to come. You kiss me and then say 'no'. You kiss me and then say 'Not yet'. You tell this Jacob he is your destiny but I see desire in your eyes when you look at me."

He grabbed me by the shoulders and brought his face close to mine, yelling now. "What do you want?"

I wanted to disappear. I wanted to slink down into the floor and hide and never come out. Everything he said was true. Everything was moving so fast and the more I tried to make things better the more things got all confused. I wish I could turn into smoke and blow away and that he would stop looking at me like that.

But of course none of those things happened. I looked into his eyes and saw him waiting for an answer. What answer could I give?

Who was he to demand answers? How am I supposed to know everything?

"I don't know!" I shouted. "I'm doing the best I can. Things keep changing and I'm just trying to keep up. I don't want my family here because last time they were on the same continent with the Volturi there was almost World War Three. I asked Alice to come because I realized I need help and you can't help me."

He eased up on my shoulders a little.

"Because I need help figuring all this out and you kissing me every five minutes is not helping at all!"

His hands dropped from my shoulders at that remark as if I'd burned him.

"Well, that is not something you have to worry about anymore."

Ow. OUCH! Oh my God! A thousand razor blades just sliced me from head to foot. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Why wasn't he looking at me with smiling eyes anymore? Why wasn't he grabbing me and holding me and kissing me quiet. I don't want him to stop kissing me. I want…. I want….I don't know what I want!

"Fine!" I strode past him and into my room and slammed the door.

I leaned back against the door and tried not to die. I may have been hyperventilating but I wasn't sure. I know I could not seem to get enough air.

I looked on the bed and saw the bags he brought in. One had two pillows sticking out of it. I walked closer and saw that he had bought a sheet set and a comforter. The sheets were the palest pink, not little girl pink. And the comforter was a deep burgundy like his eyes.

Stop thinking about his eyes!!!

I started to make the bed and tried to clear my mind of everything. I needed five minutes of not worrying or trying to figure everything out.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

I whirled around. That was Darius' voice but it wasn't from the other room. But… it wasn't from behind me either. I stood very still, holding the pillow and pillow case in my hands and not thinking of anything.

Images started to form. My face in the rain, lips full, eyes innocent and big. Was that how he saw me?

_Why does she make me so crazy! _

Memories of the elevator and hips grinding against mine and heated kisses.

My face started to get hot as his reaction to those memories flooded desire through my body. This is what he is thinking about?

Memories of me in the kitchen with blood on my lip from my bit tongue. Memories of the smell of blood, thick and sweet driving me mad. The sight of me guzzling down the blood and it pouring down my chin in my haste to drink. I realized then I was gripping the pillow so tightly it was about to bust open. I went to the door and opened it.

He was standing right there outside the door like a statue. I reached up and laid my hand to his face. He started to pull away but then the images I was sending made him stop.

I let them all go. I started with the fear of seeing him coming across the buildings… realizing he would never hurt me…drinking the blood…watching him drink the blood…. getting lost in his eyes…catching me in the rain…his lashes blinking off the rain…him pressing against me in the elevator…his tongue pulling mine into his mouth to suck my blood and wanting to surrender my life to him…

I heard him mumbling 'no no no' to that image, I looked and his eyes were closed, absorbing it all. I continued.

Getting pushed down on the bed and liking it and getting scared and not knowing what to do and then finally his face when he was shouting at me and saying I never had to worry about his kisses and thinking he didn't want me anymore and then….

"Stop stop stop" he whispered and wrapped his arms around me.

"Of course I want you, crazy girl. I do not think of anything but you. How could you ever think I did not want you?" He spoke all this into my hair and he held me tightly against his cold hard body.

It was comforting in a weird way. You'd think comfort was warm and soft but my parents were both cold and hard and so my whole life ninety percent of hugs had been cold and hard.

Finally my lungs could expand and my heart didn't feel like it was being squeezed. He **did** want me. But did I **want** him to want me? What was wrong with me?

"I feel you closing up. Do not worry little one. I am just holding you now. It is hard for me to know how to be with you. You want…but you do not want. Or you do not know what you want." He laughed then, but I got the feeling he was not laughing at me.

"It is almost five o'clock. Let us have supper and just sit and talk for a while. How does that sound too you?" He kissed my forehead and pushed my hair back from my face.

"That sounds lovely." I leaned up and kissed him on the lips softly. He took my hand and led me to the kitchen. For now a truce had been declared. But the sun was setting outside and it was a long night ahead.

A very very long night.


	19. Feeding

19 – Blood

I followed him into the kitchen and sat upon the stool while he poured blood into glasses and set them in the pot of water on the stove. I noticed the sections on the side of the counters where the marble had been crushed.

"Are you going to get that fixed?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

"No." He answered and seemed to be concentrating on the job at hand.

"Why not?" I probed.

He stopped then and looked at me. "Because they are a reminder of when I almost killed you. And how easy it is to lose control."

"Oh." I turned and did an in depth study of the wallpaper and cabinets.

Just then my phone rang. Saved by the bell. I slid off the stool and dashed back into the living room.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, girl, it's me." Answered Alice. "It looks like the first flight out of here will put me in Milan around 6 pm your time tomorrow night. Is that ok?"

"Sure! That's great. Thank you for doing this, Alice." It was a relief to know help was on the way.

"Are you sure? You sounded a little like this was an emergency before." She sounded concerned.

"I know. I was just being a drama queen. Darius shook some sense into me and I'm feeling much calmer now. But I still need your help."

Darius was standing just outside of my line of sight in the kitchen but at those words he leaned his head and shoulders back and gave me a look. I gave him a little wave.

"So, you are sounding better. That's good. And you say you need clothes too while I'm there?"

She asked.

Then Darius stepped backward so I could see his profile over the kitchen swingy doors.

"Yes. And I think I will need more than one size because I will still be growing when you go back. So really only a few outfits in my current size."

Alice started to talk about great stores in Milan and something about off the rack versus custom and last minute something or other but I really didn't hear any of it. Darius had started to drink.

I watched him tilt his head back, slowly lifting the glass to his lips. The glass was clear so I could see the blood moving towards his mouth in what seemed like slow motion. It passed his lips and I heard the smallest of moans come from his throat as the first swallow went down.

As I watched the blood drain into his mouth and his Adam's apple bob up and down, I could almost taste it. Could almost feel the silky thickness passing over my tongue. I think I will never get tired of watching him do that. I swallowed hard.

"Nessie? Nessie? Are you there?" Alice almost had to yell.

"I'm sorry, Darius was distracting me most efficiently." I giggled.

Alice's tone got softer and conspiratorial. "And who exactly is this Darius?"

"Well, he is my bodyguard." I told the truth, just not the whole truth.

"And?" Alice was no fool.

"Well, that is some of the stuff I need help with and we can talk about when you get here."

I had turned my back on Darius. I could not carry on a conversation and watch him make love to a glass of blood. A girl can only take so much.

Just then I felt his hand on mine taking the phone from me.

"Signorina Alice?" He asked. I wondered if she thought his deep voice was as sexy as I did.

After a moment he continued. "A few blocks from my home is the Principe De Savoia. It is a five star hotel and if you like I could place a reservation for you for tomorrow night. Of course, you are also welcome in my home. There is only one bedroom but Carlie is the only one who sleeps so that is all that is needed."

More listening. I wanted to go get my supper but I figured I better wait until the phone call was over.

"She will remain here." I fidgeted from one foot to the other while they talked. Darius reached out his free hand and took one of mine.

"That is fine, Signorina Alice. You are most welcome here." He held my hand up about shoulder height so that my palm was facing him and he laced his fingers in mine, palm to palm.

"Would you like me to send a limousine or do you prefer a taxi?" He started to draw his fingers out of mine to the tips, then he laced them back in only to pull them out again. I was mesmerized by the sound of his voice and his innocent manipulations of my hand.

I suppose she decided on taxi because I heard him giving her the address but I wasn't so much listening at this point. Then, he handed the phone back to me.

"Hmmm. Hi there." I hummed.

"Nessie, are you ok? Or should I say, Carlie?" She said with a teasing lilt to her voice.

"You can call me either but I go as Carlie now so it might be better to avoid confusion." I was very proud of myself for getting that whole sentence out because Darius had pulled my hand to his mouth and was kissing and nibbling each of my fingertips.

I said my goodbyes, snapped my phone shut and put it on the table. I predicted he would take me in his arms at this point and ravish me. I was wrong.

He started walking backwards towards the kitchen pulling me along. "My turn to watch you drink." He grinned.

I let him lead me in and set me on the stool. When he brought the glass I reached for it but he held it out of reach and shook his head. "Uh uh uh." And smiled in the most evil way I felt sparkles starting in my stomach and traveling to the tips of my fingers and toes.

He walked towards me until his thighs were pressed against the edge of the stool, his stomach against mine. His shoulders were tilted back a little bit to provide and open area between out faces. I looked at him and made a 'huh?" face.

My questions were soon answered as he brought the warm red glass up to my lips. I placed my hands on the outside of his hands but he kept control of the glass. He slowly tilted it up until just a taste touched my lips. I tried to tilt it more but he was too strong.

I sucked the blood off my lip and gave him a mean look. "You plan to torture me?"

He nodded and tilted the glass again. This time giving me two small sips and I closed my eyes savoring the warm life flowing down my throat. When he tipped it back again I moaned softly in protest and I heard him chuckle. He was some kind of cruel!

He angled it again towards me but not enough to make any pour into my mouth. I managed to get my top lip inside and he set it just high enough that I could suck some off the top but it was hard and awkward. As he did this I felt him pressing his stomach harder against mine and my thighs spread wider to accommodate his thighs.

Then he tilted the glass back again. I felt my head try to follow but that was not allowed. I kept my eyes closed and waited for him to bring the glass back to my lips. I thought it would take forever. I swallowed again hoping there were drops left in my mouth to salvage. The need was starting to build inside.

It was a lot like the need that happened when we were kissing. Not exactly but very very close. This time there was an itch I could scratch. I wasn't floundering around in the dark. All I needed was one more sip. I opened my eyes.

He was watching me. His eyes were so dark. It was hard to see him now because the sun had set and there were no lights on in the kitchen. The lamp in the living room cast long shadows inside.

He leaned forward putting the glass to my lips and lifting it high. Oh the sweetness! The blood poured into my mouth and down my throat. As much as I wanted. As much as I could swallow. More than I could take…but I did. I swallowed and swallowed and felt his body pressing against me and the need growing and I kept feeding it the blood and the feel of his body pressed to mine until I exploded.

I screamed and blood I hadn't swallowed splashed out of my mouth and all over his face and the front of his shirt. My hand had reached out grabbing the counter and I made my own impression of busted chalk.

My other hand clamped down on the cup and it broke into shards of glass that rained down between us.

He grabbed my wrists as I writhed and squirmed on the stool. "Easy, easy , easy" he kept murmuring.

I was trying to breathe. I didn't know what happened but it was the most amazing feeling I had ever had. I felt like every inch of my body was wrapped in delicious fire and I couldn't get enough air or something I don't know but electricity was sparking all through me and I never wanted it to stop.

Finally I felt his arms wrap around me and he held me against him gently. "Everything is fine. I did not know it would end in this."

"What was that?" I asked when I could finally form words.

"I believe I shall let your Aunt Alice explain that one, my sweet." And he kissed me softly and chuckled against my lips.

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_Ok this is my first fanfic - so I need some advice. _

_I know everyone kept their clothes on but is it time to switch from T rating to M? _

_What do you think?_

_Please comment. _


	20. Just Another Day

20 – Just Another Day

Darius helped me off the stool. Glass fell in clicks and tinkles to the ground. I looked up at him and gasped when I saw the mess I had made of him.

"Oh my God! Darius, I'm so sorry." I couldn't believe it. He was covered in blood, a real mess.

He smiled. "I would gladly endure far worse to witness such intense pleasure, cucciola mia."

While a part of me was horrified another part wanted to lick him clean like a cat. I started to lean in to him. He stood very still, and more glass fell to the ground as I moved. I leaned up and kissed his cheek and began to taste the blood on his skin.

He took me gently by the shoulders and pushed me back.

"No, no little one. There is only so much a man can take and restrain himself. I think you should go shower. I will clean up here." He gestured to the floor.

I was disappointed. I knew he was trying to protect my virtue. But when does a girl get to decide she can make her own decisions about her virtue?

I followed his advice and went to my room. I think the clothes were ruined and they barely fit anyway so I wadded them up and threw them in the garbage can. I gathered sweats and a big tee-shirt that used to be Jacobs. This was sleep wear but I thought maybe I should go to bed and not hang out with tall, dark, and kissable out there.

While I showered I took stock of my body. There were definitely changes. My legs seemed longer, my arms and torso too. My breasts were rounder and a little sore, perhaps from the rapid growth. There was a distinct shapeliness to my hips now. This was going to be very easy. By the time Jacob saw me again I would be a woman.

I could hear Darius singing in the other room. I couldn't think of Jacob and Darius at the same time. It was like Carlie and Nessie were two different girls. How could I be both? What was I going to do?

Think about it tomorrow, that's what. Or the next day. I had time.

I got out of the shower before I got too pruney and put on my comfortable clothes. The sweat pants were thinking about being too small but not yet. The shirt still hung on me. I wished it still had Jacob's scent.

I finished putting on the sheets and decided not to go back into the living room. I got out my laptop and sat in the middle of the big bed and checked my emails. I thought it best to read all his before answering them. They were more of the same, miss you, be safe, etc. etc.

Why didn't he write I love you – I can't live without you – I want you – I need you – SOMETHING! These could be emails from a brother and it made me sad to read them. The last one was just a url address though, for youtube. I clicked on it and it was a video of a karaoke bar. I started to laugh as I recognized all the guys. There were pushing Jacob and he was saying ok ok – I'm going I'm going - don't push and such.

Finally he got up on the stage and whoever had the camera centered in front of him. It was probably Sam. And Jacob started to sing. He had a beautiful tenor voice. It was so strong and clear and he was looking right at the camera. But mostly I was listening to the words. He was singing "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down.

I was mesmerized. I'm not sure I breathed the whole time I was watching. At the end, the camera got closer to him and he spoke into it. "Come home to me, Nessie. Soon."

My heart grew until I thought my chest could not contain it. I clicked replay to watch it again.

It had barely started when there was a soft knock on the door. I hit mute on the laptop but didn't stop the video. "Come in."

Darius walked in without his shirt. Was he doing this on purpose? Did he know what I was watching and thinking? Was he trying to make me want him because it was working.

"I need to shower. This is fine?" Just then I noticed the towel in his hand. I also realized the only shower was in my bathroom.

"Sure. Go ahead." Ok maybe everything wasn't a plan to seduce me.

He walked into the bathroom and I watched him, and then noticed I was watching him and looked down. I looked back up when I heard the water come on and realized he had not closed the door.

What did that mean? Did he want me to join him? Did he want me to think about him being in there naked? What kind of games was he playing?

I looked back down and turned the sound back up. The song was over and Jacob was talking again.

I sent him an email that was as sisterly as his were. I wrote that the karaoke bar looked fun and I wish I had been there. I missed everyone and looked forward to being home soon. I didn't know what I wanted to say about his song. It seemed any words of relationship from me were rebuffed. I don't know how I will know when he is ready for me to be more than a friend, act like more than a friend.

I had closed the laptop by the time Darius came out of the shower. This time he was just wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. Well that was just cruel.

"Are you going to bed now?" He asked. "It is very early."

"Yes. It's been a long day though. I'm really tired." And I had a lot of thinking to do.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, the towel gapped open on the thigh. I mentally begged it to hold firm and not gap further.

"It is supposed to be dreary weather tomorrow. Will you let me show you my Milan?"

Oh lord, he looked so scrumptious. What girl could resist this? "Of course." I whispered.

Then he kissed me on the forehead, stood up and walked out of the room.

I lay in bed a long time thinking about all that had happened during the day. That morning I had woken up at boarding school. How that could even be the same day, I had no idea. I tried to figure out the mind reading thing. Was I somehow getting my fathers gift? Was it the blood or my aging that was causing it? It would be cool to be able to read thoughts, even though I hated it when he did it.

I decided to try it. I closed my mind and listened very hard. It took a minute to realize that Darius was reading a book. It was in Italian so I didn't understand a word that was going on in his mind. That was a little frustrating. But most everything about Darius was frustrating.

I did not want to lead him on for three weeks only to dump him for Jacob. That seemed cruel and what if I accidentally fell in love with him? That would be a catastrophe.

But how do I stop things with him when I didn't want to stop. Ever moment I was with him I wanted to touch him. His kisses drove me mad and I knew I wanted more than just kisses.

I tossed and turned all night wondering what to do and didn't come up with any answers.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I woke up the next morning I could hear the rain. I opened my eyes and Darius was lying in the bed next to me, watching me. His body was on top of the covers and his head rested in his hand as he leaned on his elbow. He smiled and said, "Good morning."

"I mumbled good morning and tasted my own breath as I rolled out of the other side of the bed and dashed to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I could hear him getting up and laughing. "Get dressed, you promised me the day. I will be waiting in the living room."

I dressed quickly and joined him.

If I had been 100 percent human he would have totally exhausted me. We dashed from one garden to the next fountain to another cathedral until I didn't think there was a spot in Milan that I had not seen. Sometimes we ran through the rain, just barely faster than humans were capable of so as not to draw too much attention and sometimes we grabbed taxis or he had a limo waiting. It all depended on where we were going next.

At times I was so overwhelmed by the beauty that I could only think how thankful I was that I had met Darius because I would have never seen all these places by myself.

Other times he seemed almost desperate for me to see everything and experience it all today. I wasn't sure why. We had lots of days left. I had no more school so what else was there to do but sight see and shop?

"Enough!" I finally said. "I'm tired, and drenched. I'm ready to go back now. It's been wonderful but we have to call it a day." I took his hand as we walked out of a magnificent garden.

"Just one more." He coaxed.

I groaned and he just smiled and walked with me. At least we weren't running this time. He led me to another church, the Santa Maria delle Grazie.

"Another church? I'm not saying they aren't beautiful. But really Darius, I'm worn out!"

"This one is special." He was determined so I let him lead me inside. It was beautiful. It had magnificent architecture and a sense of history that was almost overwhelming. But so had all the others. Finally he stopped leading me, gestured to the side and stepped away. I turned and looked.

The Last Supper was on the wall. I don't know how long I stood there before turning back to him. "This is the real one? Da Vinci's?" I asked.

"Si." He answered grinning at me.

I turned back to it and was mesmerized. I stepped back and it seemed to be easier to see it from farther away. My eyes magically filled in the spots where the paint had flaked off and made the whole thing seem brighter.

Finally I took his hand and whispered. "You were right, this one was special."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We made it back to the apartment in plenty of time. When I got out of the shower there was a glass of blood by the sink. He had been in the bathroom while I was in the shower! I joyfully contemplated payback while I drank my dinner and then dressed in probably my last outfit that would, in any way, fit me.

I dried my hair and put on make up. I really wanted Alice to see how grown up I was now. I'm not sure why I wanted to impress her. Maybe it was worry that she would take one look at Darius and freak out because I was living here with a man. Either way I was extremely nervous as we sat in the living room waiting for her to arrive.

I sat in Darius' big chair and he sat across from me on the couch. "You look very beautiful tonight. I wish it had been for me and not your Aunt Alice."

"I…" I wasn't sure what to say. I denial would have been a lie.

Suddenly he looked up and frowned. I saw his nostrils flare as if he smelled something bad. We both got up and before I had taken a stop there was a knock at the door.

I leapt over the couch in my excitement. I squealed. "Alice!"

"Carlie, wait!" I heard him warn but I was already opening the door.

It WAS Alice. She rushed forward and hugged me but my eyes were on the man behind her. Jacob.


	21. Alice

20 – Alice

I could feel Darius coming up behind me and Jacob was looking over my shoulder at him. Alice and I were blocking the doorway with our hug and she was whispering in my ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't see him, not until he was on the plane and then it was too late."

My eyes just drank him in. There was an energy pulsing around him that I could almost see. Each lift of his chest, each breath exuded strength and life and power.

Darius was behind me now, cold and hard and immovable, his hands on my shoulders. Finally Jacob's eyes dropped down to me. Alice had released me but we were still standing in the doorway keeping Darius and Jacob apart.

I watched emotions cross his face. I knew he was clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides without even looking down. He always had to work so hard to keep himself under control.

"Carlie?" Darius asked softly. That one word spoke volumes. Who was this? Were we in danger? What did I want him to do?

My eyes were still staring into Jacob's as they had been from the second I opened the door. "Darius, this is Alice Cullen and Jacob Black." I tried to step back but Darius was still the Great Wall of China behind me.

Finally he spoke but his words were strange and quiet. "Welcome to my home." And then he stepped back so I could.

Alice came in around me but Jacob just stepped up to the threshold of the door. Now he only had eyes for me.

I was afraid. Not of him but …I wasn't sure. He was looking at me so intensely that I was frightened. But that was crazy. This was My Jacob. Then he smiled and the sun rose in the hall way and I was blinded by him.

"Wow, Nessie, you look… good." He gave me a lopsided grin. "And old." Then he made a 'yuck' face.

I rolled my eyes at him and stepped back. "So, are you coming in or what?"

He took one step forward but then stopped. "Alice got a hug."

I grinned and reached up to hug him. His big arms wrapped around me so tightly. I was unprepared for the fierceness of his embrace. His face melted into my hair and I heard him breathing me in. My face was pressed against his neck. His blood was hot and fast just beneath the skin. I wanted to kiss him, taste him, and hold him forever.

I'm not sure how long we stood their clinging to one another. Finally Darius spoke.

"Are you planning to let her go, Mr. Black?" He asked sarcastically.

Jacob leaned back just a little, enough so he could look down into my eyes. "No, I am not."

I pushed away from him then. "All right all right. Play nice." I moved to a more neutral position in the room.

Alice was looking back and forth between the two men with a worried expression. I knew it was hard for her when anything involved Jacob. It was like suddenly having a patch over one eye. You could see, but the picture was incomplete.

Darius pulled a paper from his pocket. "Signorina Cullen, I have made arrangements for this store to remain open this evening, just for you and Carlie. There will be staff to assist you and I believe you will be able to find everything you need for her here."

She took the paper and looked at it. Her eyes grew wide and her smile wider. "Just for us? Tonight?"

Darius nodded and smiled. "All night if needed. They are at your disposal."

She dashed over to me and took my arm, swinging me back in the direction of the door. "You ready?" She asked.

"Wait." I swung her back around and we were starting to look like a vaudeville act. "Is everyone going?" I asked.

Darius was quick to answer. "No. Mr. Black and I have much to discuss." He looked at me but wasn't looking at Jacob at all.

"I don't think THAT'S a good id…" I started.

But Jacob cut me off. "It'll be fine Nessie. I'll be fine." He moved back in front of me and kissed me on the forehead. "Buy something pretty."

Alice laughed and swung me back around. "Oh there won't be anything pretty left in Milan when this night is through." She giggled and escorted me out the door. I only had a second to look back at them before we were gone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shopping was fun but it was tainted by the worry of what was going on back at the apartment. I had visions of coming home to complete destruction. The assistants couldn't understand why we kept trying things on and then buying them in the wrong sizes but we just laughed. We bought a ton of stuff that already fit and just as much that almost fit.

Alice loved shopping with me because in this one way I was nothing like my mother. I loved trying on and comparing colors and fabrics and accessories. For Alice I was the perfect life sized Barbie.

It was getting close to eleven pm and we had just about bought out the store when I spied one of those dresses that just make you say 'oh that one is for me'. I tried it on.

It was a strapless cocktail dress that fit me like a glove. The cobalt blue fabric looked striking against my pale skin and set off my bronze curls perfectly. Alice gave the wolf whistle when I came out of the dressing room.

"That's lovely sweetie, but where in the world are you going to wear it?" She asked.

I stood in front of the mirror in bare feet, lifting up a little to see what I would look like when I found shoes to match. I turned this way and that admiring myself. "I'm not sure I'm ever taking it off."

Just then one of the assistants brought me matching shoes with perfectly grown up high heels. I slipped them on and looked at the young woman staring back at me in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. "How old do I look to you, Alice?"

She came to stand behind me and placed her cold hands on my shoulders. "I guess you look about sixteen. It's hard to tell. I've never seen you wear make up before. And the aging is subtle but I can see that you are taller and leaner, and rounder in some places." She grinned at me.

Then she frowned. "Do you realize you have only been gone one week?"

I nodded.

"And you have lost two years of your life?" She asked.

"I don't think of it as losing two years. It's like my life hasn't started yet. Everyone is waiting for me to grow up so I'm just speeding that up so my life can begin. I don't understand why nobody gets that." I started to move away from her but she reached out and grabbed my wrist.

"We do get that, honey." She pulled me down to one of the chairs near by and sat beside me.

"But what you don't get is that no one is trying to keep you from being happy or starting your life. We can see what you can't. That your life has already started and you don't know it. That you are throwing away all the good things that make memories to last your whole life. That you are rushing headstrong into experiences that will define who you are as an adult and you aren't taking the time to savor them, or make good decisions."

I looked down at my hands in my lap. I took a moment brushing the soft material and thinking what to say. I didn't look up when I answered her. "I know what I'm doing."

She sighed with frustration.

"No, Alice. Hear me out. I know that I am in situations that I'm not ready for. I understand that things are happening fast. And that I might not be making the best decisions for myself. That's why I wanted you to come. To help me."

"Why do you think that I am the one who can help you?" She asked, reaching over and placing her hand on mine.

"Because I think that you are motivated by what is best for me. And everyone else is motivated by what is right for them. And what's right for them is that I never grow up." I stared into her eyes and dared her to say I was wrong. No one wanted me to grow up and I knew it.

"Nessie, I don't believe that is true." It was my turn to offer a frustrated sigh.

"No, you listen to me this time. Everyone loves you. They all want you to be happy and are terrified that you are so stubborn that you will sabotage your own happiness in your hurry to be something different. When we all know that what you are is pretty damn special." She squeezed my hand.

I knew she was trying to help but I wasn't ready to hear it. If I agreed with her then staying in Milan and drinking the blood and getting older was just another big mistake. I keep making decisions about my life and then changing my mind. No wonder people thought I was a child. I gave up on everything. I was a quitter.

"I'm ready to go back now. And I think we have enough clothes. You and Jacob can go back to the states." I didn't look at Alice as I got up and headed towards the door. I heard her making arrangements to have everything sent to the Darius' apartment.

When we arrived Darius was standing in the courtyard in front of the building by a fountain. He stepped forward when we came close. "I need to speak with Carlie." He said to Alice.

Alice looked up at the windows of the apartment building and I did too. I could see Jacob standing in the window.

"He is fine." Darius assured us. His voice sounded tightly controlled but not angry. He was so still, his features frozen. I couldn't tell his mood at all.

Alice nodded and kept walking into the building. I looked up and saw Jacob back away from the window. So I turned to Darius.

He walked up to me and took my hands holding them out to the side. Then he let go of one and lifted the other high turning me around like a ballerina. "You look amazing, Carlie."

I beamed up at him. "Thank you. I don't think I ever want to take this dress off."

He laughed. "I'm sorry but I cannot make that claim, myself." He grinned at me and it took me a moment to get the joke. I could feel heat rising to my cheeks as I blushed.

He got very still then, even more than usual. I could sense that he wanted to tell me something. I decided to be mature and not pester him about it. He would say what he needed to say when he was ready.

Instead he took me in his arms and kissed me fiercely. There was a desperation that was new and I didn't understand why he was holding me so tightly. I had too many thoughts in my head to truly enjoy the kiss because part of me was worried that Jacob would be looking out the window again. I kissed him back but it was restrained.

Something had happened. Something was different.

He stopped in his normal way, soft lips, tiny kisses - two, no three times. Then, he leaned his forehead against mine.

"What was that about, Darius?" I finally had to ask. I needed some answers.

His voice was strained when he answered. "That was good-bye."


	22. Home

22 – Home

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears. "What are you talking about?" He was the only one on my side!

Darius took my hand and led me to sit by the fountain. I think I walked like a zombie. I may have been in shock. Oh great, another talking to. "Not you too."

"Carlie, think about today. You saw Milan in a whirlwind. Do you think that is how she is meant to be experienced? As fast as possible? You had no time to savor her scents, her tastes, the beauty that is Milan." I knew what he was saying was true. It was too fast. But we could have taken it slower.

He continued, "I thought your family was trying to hold you back. I was trying to open up your world. I wanted to give you all that you were looking to find."

"I know! That's why I'm happy with you. YOU understand."

He shook his head and a ball of iron started to roll around in my stomach. This was not happening. "I did not understand. I am not giving you anything. I am stealing your innocence bit by bit and I can not… I will not continue."

"Wait. Listen. I don't know what Jacob told you but I…" I didn't like the frantic shaking of my voice.

"No sweet one. The time for listening to you is over. I am leaving tonight and will not return to my apartment until you are gone from Milan. There is a plane that leaves in a few hours and you will be on it."

"Like hell I will!" Fury exploded inside me.

He stood then and I started to stand too but he pushed me back to sitting and held me down with his cold hard hand on my shoulder. "Stop. It is over, Carlie Cullen. One day I will see you again and when I do you will be living your life and not running from it or towards it. Hopefully you will not be running at all." He took a step back then and for the first time I could see real emotions cross his face. Pain…regret…frustration…determination.

And then he ran. All I saw was a blur and he was gone.

I sat there reeling. I thought I might be sick. I thought I might pass out. I leaned forward and gripped the sides of the fountain bricks.

What the hell had just happened? How could everything fall apart so fast? I heard footsteps and then, I saw the reason. Across the courtyard Jacob was walking towards me.

I jumped up. "You! How dare you come here and ruin everything!"

He grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me but I fought against him. My fists pounded against his chest and I knew they would leave huge bruises. "No, no, no, no! You are not dragging me home. You are leaving. Darius is going to come back and arrrgggh!!! Go away, Jacob." But he just squeezed me tighter.

Finally I sagged against him. My strength was gone and I could feel tears hot in my eyes. I blinked them away.

"Why?" I sobbed.

He led me back to the fountain and sat me down.

"Never mind. Forget I asked. I've gotten this lecture twice already. I get it. I'm stupid and everyone else is smart so I should stop being stupid."

He took thumb to middle finger and thumped me on the head hard and said. "Well that was a stupid thing to say and I don't think that either Alice or Darius said anything like that to you."

I gave him a nasty look that made me feel about ten years old but that was how they were all making me feel. I sat there and crossed my arms.

He took a deep breath and started. "I'm not going to talk about your decisions at all. I want to tell you about mine."

I listened because I didn't have any other choice.

"When you were born, everything I thought I knew, thought I cared about, disappeared. You were all I could see. Keeping you safe and happy was my entire world. But not everyone was happy about this situation."

I didn't remember a lot from the first days so despite myself I was interested.

"Bella and Edward were furious. They thought it was obscene that I had imprinted on a newborn. Of course, I didn't have any romantic feelings for you but that really didn't matter. I was actually lucky that Edward could read minds because he eventually calmed down enough to see that I didn't think of you that way."

"And I guess through the years I got so used to him reading my mind that I made sure there were never any traces of thoughts about you that were not totally pure."

I rolled my eyes at that one. Lord, save me from noble men.

"Anyway, when you wanted to come here, I sort of did and didn't want you to come. I know I said I didn't want you to but deep down I was relieved. You would be hidden away in a girl's school and I wouldn't have to worry about how much longer I could keep that part of us locked up in my mind."

"But when you were gone I realized what an idiot I was."

I wanted to say 'Got that right' but I held my tongue. Maybe I was maturing after all.

These are the most important years of all and I don't want to miss a minute. You have so many experiences to look forward too and I want to be there. I want to be your first in everything. First kiss, first date, first dance, first car, I want to be a part of that. You are my life and I want to be yours."

I could not look him in the eye now. 'First kiss'.

He got very quiet but not still. I could hear him breathing and his heart pumping. I looked away and tried to think of what to say.

"I've already missed some things haven't I?" He spoke very softly but I could hear his voice break a little.

I nodded.

More quiet thinking. He didn't ask what he had missed and I didn't tell him.

"Have you been on a date yet?" Now that was an odd question. I shook my head no and looked back at him.

"Will you go out with me? To the movies? I'll pick you up in a car and come to the door and Edward can give me mean looks and tell me to have you home early. You will dress pretty and wear make up. And at the end of the night I will walk you to the door and try to kiss you. What do you say, Nessie?"

I got up and paced a little bit. Paths were always opening up before me and I always had to choose which way to go. What was the best plan? It was exhausting. I argued with myself and walked all the way around the fountain and back to him. He was still sitting there waiting.

I stood in front of him, very close. I remembered the exuberant disaster kiss at Grandpa Charlie's. But I had to know if he was for real or just telling me what I wanted to hear to make me come home.

I put my hands on either side of his face and leaned in. I gave him plenty of chances to push me away. I stared into his open eyes. I pressed my lips to his. Strong arms wrapped around my waist and held me close. His head tilted to the side and he kissed me harder. My eyelids fluttered closed. I could feel his breath on my cheek, hear his heartbeat and feel the heat of his body flowing through me. I stopped this kiss first, not him, and leaned back so I could look in his eyes.

He whispered, "Will you come home?"

I knew then that my journey was over.

I whispered back, "I already am."

The End


End file.
